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Tumblr Awards v17



paint water not paint water there is a story behind these mugs how many times way too many times if you hate frogs fuck you they're just little sticky babies they don't know shit one time in grade six a girl called me a lying slut in front of our whole class during lunch because I was hanging out with her boyfriend a lot she was dating my brother getting married on Halloween would be great big balls one never have to worry about forgetting the anniversary to forget formalwear guests should arrive in costumes three pumpkin pie wedding cake for also I'd want to toss a pumpkin instead of a bouquet just a whole pumpkin just freaking launch that sucker behind my head get rekt deep guys realized that we never stop tasting our own timers how about I taste yours for a change that was smooth air someone take me out either in the date way or the assassination way surprise me remember when Cosmo didn't tell mama Cosma he married Wanda so when he went to see her he told her he was out getting milk for the past 10,000 years when a girl says she has experimented with girls that does not necessarily mean she's bi she may just be an evil scientist I can't see the picture on mobile but there's at least a 90% chance that is princess bubblegum so I was getting on the bus today and to guide myself I grabbed the seats but I missed and grabbed the top of this little middle schoolers head like a claw machine he cried sexy things to saying bed one with Luigi voice one I've got 99 problems and being a decaying organism that's born to die in a society run by money that I can't escape is one of them do you need a hug I think we all need a hug meeting an alien for the first time me spelling up me in 70 years how many illness must die me at school when I get home I'm gonna be productive me at home good night hot dog eggs if you see this file on your desktop do not open it what happens if I do hot dog I'm about to make this house a little less Bowl they put a bee in a human hospital bed sorry sir we have no more beds left what about that one oh that's Abby's chip in a bottle how do this is it's what God wanted interviewer thank you for speaking with us Ted Ted Cruz no problem interviewer really fast serial killer says what Ted Cruz what campaign manager screams what's stopping us from domesticating skulls rabies why do you shit on dreams no earth spoilers please I'm only up to the Cambrian explosion I'm really loving these new dinosaur characters I hope they stick around a while ah fuck off maybe if we all just collectively start decorating now we can force it to be Halloween green plus blue the purple plus yellow Bello green plus red red color combos are fun why am I even going to art school I've just learned it all here my mattress is strapped to a drum bus and I leave all my doors open at night so the rumors can go where they want to I wake up where they want me to be I trust their decisions how fucked up would it be if an astronaut was coming back to earth and everybody hid for a bit the Chamber of Secrets a moment of silence for all the internet friends who you lost track of years ago and still think about sometimes Nick Jonas seven on Club Penguin if you're out there it's happening shrek is love shrek is life last night I went to CVS to buy Lube I was walking around looking for it and this lady came up to me and was like can I help you find something and I'm like Lube and she was like no we don't sell cast off here so I was like um and she like Oh for like up and she started to make this jerking off motion and I was just like yes so I went to the bathroom at Chili's and it was super air-conditioned in there I was by myself and I said wow it's really cold in here and then followed it up with one might even say it's chilly and I realized this is it this is why I'm single I make puns to myself in an empty bathroom did he commit a crime where's the warrant promise to keep your pants up I'll do my best we all know what he really gon keep up Danny Phantom getting ass since 2000 I have been laughing at this for like forever see the vault feel the bone be the bowl fun on the right business on the left I'm seriously concerned my left or her left you'll mind if I appreciate cold water it's so good you spelled room-temperature wrong you are a disgusting pathetic delusional fool [Applause] he keeps looking at me with distrust after I gave him his vitamins this fox looks like a level 1 RPG protagonist setting out from the starting town adventure awaits you little buddy officer license and registration me hands officer a card officer this is a get-out-of-jail-free card from the game of Monopoly me yes officer you got lucky this time have a good night me taking an exam okay focus me me me me ha ha why do the female characters on Fairly OddParents acid is so sharp they could cut through glass if your ass crack was horizontal it would make a clapping noise whenever you went up slashed down stairs oh my god someone keeps using up all the toilet paper and not refilling it so I decided that putting this picture there will make everyone remember to refill it without me bringing it our thesis statement I just think it's funny how body paragraphs first of all conclusion so next time you things to call tall people lamppost sentient tree venti caramel Frappuccino extra long bag wet microphone stand Empire State Building go me stop but on bananas it's just the opposite hold on go ahead what I will never get sick of this it started out as a kiss how it did it end up like this it was only a kiss it was only a kiss if you step on a person's for they open their mouths just like trash cans lmao why am I still laughing at this do not attempt if I had the chance to race Godzilla on four-wheelers you wouldn't be able to fucking stop me stacks a phone baby Deniz please stop true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn why would the movie eat my popcorn nevermind I get it in seventh grade I went to see a movie with a boy and in the middle of it he was like do you want a kiss and I was like excuse me and he pulled a bag of Hershey's kisses out of his coat do you realize what a good backup plan that is you can never lose an argument if you say shut up nerd at the end yes you can shut up nerd testicle torture enthusiasts after a long day our time to hit the sack psychiatrist so what's been on your mind recently me internally interior crocodile alligator I Drive a jibril at Moody Theater Barrack Obama Michelle Obama's husband and pay that guy how many light bulbs does it take to change people Jaden Smith has escaped okay Tim Holland is cute and all but he constantly looks like he's hiding a frog in his mouth and it's uncomfortably hopping around in there but he can't open his mouth or the frogs gonna escape guess who's about to go bankrupt next in America I dunno sponsor dad but the answer is me when I was in elementary school this fucking bitch claimed that she was queen of the jungle gym and would never let anyone use it so I told her I was telling the teacher and I walked over to the teacher and pointed near her and said isn't the sky so pretty today and she started crying because she thought I told and long story short I was the king of our motherfucking jungle gym tbh Americans are so funny they're like oh my god there's a constantly in my house it's like a three-hour drive and Europeans are like WTF a three-hour drive are you kidding I'm not going to France about Australians crying in the distance I was watching infinity war with my family and when fairness was using the stones to wreck everyone on Titan my mother who is a 41 year old tiny 5 foot Filipino woman said something very solemnly in our language that can be translated roughly to that tricky fairness probably only I could defeat him I like to think the first guy in a hunter-gatherer in tight group to come up with farming had a really hard time selling it to the rest of the group like our guys how about next time we find animals instead of killing them right away we round them up and under his breath make them fuck other cavemen why aren't there adult sized playgrounds like everything is the same as a kids playground but bigger why do we not have those theme parks just theme parks but you have to pay for theme parks that's the adult part son of a bitch there's no difference between exercise and black magic both of them hurt your body at first and drain you of energy but the more you dabble in it the more powerful you become this is the most inspiring thing I have ever read I hate when I misplaced my glasses because then I'm forced to walk around looking like I'm suspicious of everything in the room what about you cabinet how do you sketchy piece of shit did you take n your teleported to 44 BCE Rome in your everyday street clothes you're brought before Caesar and he believes you might be from the future hoping to bring him for to one day he questions you asking how do I die surrounded by friends ceases as he's getting stabbed and remembers just let him in God she has these gorgeous blue eyes you can get lost in forever and that smile the damn smile people run from rain bud sit in bathtubs full of water while Bukowski so profound do you also bathe fully clothed you dickhead who isn't it funny that a person will eat when they're hungry but duck when you throw an apple at their face I won't take a bullet for anyone because if I have time to jump in front of a bullet you have time to move you know you probably just made tons of songs seem completely pointless I'm a girl and I want to have sex with another girl what do I do gets down on one knee will you be my brah brother that's gay but brah brews owned again drama in my SoundCloud comment section great song I beg to differ then beg this dude really had a convo with himself unpopular opinion not all dogs are good boys blocked sometimes they are good girls unblocked come with me I shall teach you how to cap big cat everything the light touches belongs to us tiny cat what about the shadowy stuff big cat that also belongs to us everything belongs to us fun fact I knew this girl from camp who had a British accent but she wasn't from England and then one day I went to her house and her parents didn't have a British accent either so I asked her where she got it from because I was really confused and she told me her parents faked it until she was 7 because they wanted a child with a British accent what is this supposed to cover clearly those distracting shoulders that schools are against old men and women who walk really slow with their hands behind their backs no so much yesterday at Target the cashier said your receipt is in the bag and I responded with you too so I've been dealing with that for the past 18 hours but I'm slowly coming to terms with it which is cool if you could have any videogame ability what would it be protect girls kiss wife you awaken feeling rested shout out to the people sleeping right now but do a quad shot out so they don't wake up my notifications went off and I woke up to this fuc 6970 total followers I'm gonna have to block one of you who's it gonna be any volunteers can you seriously grow up 6969 Thanks Princess Diana wearing sunglasses Wow tumblr I'm done with you for tonight Wow LMFAO I'm the only thing preventing the mailman and the vacuum from killing my entire family this was such a confusing and frightening boast before I read the name of the blog that posted it you cow belly let's go the monetization is dropping aurita to start the migration of top innovation and content creation and others all new states at hand what inspiration to drop an UK on top of your faces amok in the face of the clock is still raising this impatient monster is later not just escape news robbed like a cable you to be prayin thought she would make a toast all the creator who want to get paid for their awesome creation so take the advice of a gardener make all I got to say calvetti TV gets more traffic than a metropolis yes bitch

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