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The (NOT DISNEY) Collection – The Search For The Worst – IHE (8 MOVIES!)

[Intro Music] ‘The Little Panda Fighter’ is a horrific piece of shit. But it was thanks to that movie that this video exists because it introduced me to an extremely wide array of God-awful rip-off films that are masquerading as popular and well-known movies. Because this list of rip-off films was surprisingly vast I decided that this stupidly long ‘Search For The Worst’ special would probably be best suited to a singular theme. I eventually narrowed this theme down to what I have coined as the ‘Not Disney’ collection. Because nearly all of the Amazon listings for these films, because they are effectively plagiarism, have the added ‘Not Disney’ in brackets in the title. And even the on the little plastic wrapping the DVD comes in. They fuckin’ printed it on there. I suppose to avoid terrible stress from confused parents and grandmas. Once I finally narrowed down the films then it was a matter of watching them. Over the course of four fucking days Me and Ruben from JAR Media painfully drained our souls for the sake of sitting through these God-awful dregs of budget DVD releasing [Laughter] I might just, the next time we do this drink ’til I’m paralytic. Unfortunately, Ruben did perish in the production, He will be missed. I’ve still yet to clean his body up ’cause I’ve been too busy making this damn video. Let me introduce you to the 8 abominations themselves. So, this is the ‘Not Disney’ collection. We have ‘Tangled Up,’ An obvious rip-off of the Disney movie ‘Tangled,’ ‘Frozen Land’ A copy of ‘Frozen’, right down to the font, My personal favourite title of them all: ‘Braver’ Instead of Disney Pixar’s ‘Brave’ I coined this one ‘The Fantastic Four-orce.’ Which I assumed was a rip-off of ‘The Incredibles’, ‘The Fantastic Four,’ which I know isn’t a Disney property but I still think it counts, and a bunch of forgettable elements of random Disney movies thrown in. We have ‘what’s UP,’ which is of course A shameless cash-in on Pixar’s ‘Up,’ ‘Sky Force’ which is ‘Planes,’ and last but not least, ‘A Cars Life’ and ‘Car’s Life 2,’ which are both obviously a blatant copy of ‘Cars,’ Now my expectations were immediately thrown out the window once I learnt what some of these products actually are inside the box. Some of them are so baffling, so fucking unbelievable, that you’ll only actually believe what you’re seeing once I fucking show it to you straight-up. Every single one of these DVDs are readily available to buy. In fact I bought every one of them off of Amazon. One of them was even £7.99 because I had to get it imported from the US. I could’ve bought…like a real movie for that. [Retching sound] But my point is, how are these companies able to get away with this level of counterfeiting? It’s…it’s flooring to me. Especially when they have the fucking balls to go up against one of the most powerful companies on the planet: Disney. Out of all the real films that are being ripped-off here the only original Disney movie I’ve not seen is ‘Planes’ And with that one I expect I could watch the trailer and get the same amount of enjoyment as I would out of the full movie. And yes that does technically mean I’ve seen ‘Cars 2.’ Pray for me. That film’s so fuckin’ awful As you can probably tell from my energy right now I am fuckin’ pumped. This is…this is gonna be terrible. Anyway, when all the DVDs finally arrived and the embarrassment and realisation that I actually paid money for these had… faded… a little bit. The most daunting task of all was choosing which order to watch them in. It’s the equivalent of having 8 different types of scorpions lined up in front of you. And then being asked which order you want them to
sting or pinch you in. Ultimately, I thought it would be best for the wheel randomiser to do it for me. So let’s see what movie comes first… Well, we had to start somewhere I guess. [Music] Just from looking at the cover of the DVD there’s something inherently suspicious about ‘Braver,’ Well y’know, apart from the whole… completely ripping-off an established movie and what-not. The cover is completely bare and they don’t even show a single frame from the movie on the back. And there is a reason for this, don’t you fuckin’ worry. With only a 45 minute running time, and a 4:3 aspect ratio. Along with the vague and generic quote saying “The bravest princess in all the kingdom.” Who are they quoting? When you quote someone, you’re supposed to reference who actually said the quote. Otherwise every DVD cover would just have complete bullshit riddled all over them. They even make the bold claim of exclaiming that this is “A film everyone will love.” I’m gonna stop teasing you now and actually show you what this fucking bullshit is. [Christmas Music] “Hi, my name’s Dart, and I’ve got a story for you.” IHE: Yes, this is the level we’re on with these movies. Okay where to even begin? So first off it’s 2D animation. Which ‘Brave’ obviously… isn’t. Secondly, I… I guess it’s a Christmas movie? Why the hell not? And thirdly, what the…what the fuck is this? “It’s Christmas Eve, everyone’s gone home.” My confusion was only made more tangible by the cheapness and obvious lack of budget or production. While ‘Braver’ is a pretty generic and terrible… thing… to watch, I couldn’t help but think that there was something more nefarious going on behind this. Like this is not just the straight-up ‘Little Panda Fighter’ level of parody or rush-job for a quick buck. “Must I do everything myself?” IHE: This is… this is something else. This is something worse. The dated aspect ratio, and, well just everything being dated really led me to believe that ‘Braver’ was the end product of some cheeky cunt or group of cheeky cunts. Who for some reason had the rights to some completely random Christmas movie from some decades ago and figured it might be an easy way to make some cash if they made up a fake cover and peddled this Christmas movie to try and trick people into buying it instead of ‘Brave.’ “Oh…” [Reversed] So let me get this straight, Whoever released this as a product was so inherently lazy that they couldn’t even be bothered to shamble together a shoddy rip-off like ‘The Little Panda Fighter’ And instead opted for highway robbery effectively. Like they… they didn’t even make anything. They didn’t make a single original asset for this fuckin’ movie! They have this completely unrelated thing from years ago and they put a fake cover on it and tried to trick people. That’s fucking outrageous! I guess the company who released this is called ‘Brightspark Productions Ltd.’ Aw, and they’re based in the UK. And first off let me apologise on their behalf for embarrassing our entire nation. I’m not sure if we’ll be able to recover from this. But believe it or not they do actually have a fucking awful website that I’m pretty sure was made in 2006 and not updated since. Everything is quite cryptic and hard to find but for some reason they have the films they’ve released under ‘Case Studies.’ Which to me is the equivalent cop-out kind of phrasing as to what some YouTubers do with their pranks and saying it’s a ‘social experiment’ Your films aren’t a fucking ‘case study’, they’re fucking fraud. But under these groups of ‘case studies’, alongside the mega-hits everyone knows Such as a group of movies Brightspark has listed as ‘Urban films case studies’ which includes ‘A Night in Compton’ ‘The Bahama Hustle’, which has a whopping 38 ratings on IMDB And ‘Da Block Party.’ Right underneath the ‘Urban films case studies’ is the ‘Kids films case studies.’ You’ll notice that sandwiched in between ‘The Little Cars in The Big Race’ and ‘Cuddletime’ is something called ‘Fairy Tale Christmas.’ We’ve solved the mystery ladies and gentlemen. ‘Braver’ is not ‘Brave.r’ It’s ‘A Fairy Tale Fucking Christmas.’ A Canadian TV movie with 31 ratings from 2005 which I expect was probably made as a tax avoidance money laundering scheme. Who fucking knows? But what I definitely do know, thanks to this website, is that ‘Fairy Tale Christmas’ had the “Most pre orders for a Canadian animation the UK.” They say this twice on the webpage. They got it wrong twice. “Most pre orders for a Canadian animation the UK” These fucking assholes. These motherfuckers. I was expecting a funny rip-off movie with atrocious animation that at least somewhat resembled the thing they were plagiarising. [The reversed “Oh…” clip] I’m even upset and I willingly paid money knowing that what I was paying for was meant to be awful. This is two different levels of disappointment and misery and I probably shouldn’t even go into what happens in the TV special because this hardly even counts. But fuck it, I’m gonna tell you anyway. ‘Braver’ or ‘A Fairy Tale Christmas’ is the generic story of a princess who gets taken away from her father and put in the woods by a villain who wants to be the king or something. Then Sonic the Hedgehog in the form of a poorly animated reindeer shows up. “You’re not getting another one of your ridiculous ideas.” You’re a di- [chopped and cut] IHE: And a bird with an incredibly irritating voice and equally irritating flying animation And they also speak English, for some reason. They don’t really say why, they just can do it. “You can talk?” “Yes!” “You’re a di-” IHE: Then she gets home happily ever after the end. The animation is so close to being good at times. I mean if this was like a free YouTube video, this would be totally fine, even kind of impressive at times but the further into the running time you go, the worse the animation gets. It’s like they just gave up halfway through. They attempt to do these incredibly complex angles for 2D animation that only professionals can do right. Like actual professionals, who know what they’re doing. So most of the time, proportions are completely wrong, and a lot of the animation is just broken. I mean for the most part it’s cute and inoffensive apart from the fact that the entire message of the movie is that the main character only values the life of the monarchy and that if you’re not a princess, you might as well be fucking dead because you’re worthless. Your life is fucking worthle- [Singing with pitch shifting courtesy of IHE] “Am I really just like every other girl?” “Like every other girl?” IHE: Here are a couple of my favourite awful moments [Dramatic music] “Why does every castle have a secret entrance?” “I’m not sure” [Dramatic music] [Cries out in pain] “Now look what you made me do!” With that piece of shit out the way let’s move on to the next smelly faecal matter Take it away, wheel [Music] It’s incredibly hard to describe ‘Fantastic 4orce’ Like I’m not actually sure if the words even exist to explain it to you It’s such a daunting task that I’m truly not sure how to do it I mean at least it’s somewhat original in terms of the individual elements that make it a thing you can buy This is only in comparison to the other movies in the ‘Not Disney’ collection, mind It’s still a pathetic excuse for entertainment I honestly cannot decide if I despise or adore this movie It’s undoubtedly a horrible, fucking horrible, piece of shit There’s something strangely captivating about it It’s like watching a horrible accident unfold right in front of your eyes You know you probably shouldn’t be gawking at the horrible shit that’s happening right in front of you But at the same time, you just can’t help it That’s about the biggest compliment I can give this fucking movie I was so utterly dumbfounded by the completely unexplained and unmotivated wreck of random scenes Random pacing and random characters and random jokes and… Well…everything, seems like a random collection of moving images and colours with no real link or point at all “After all, a happy wife is a happy life!” It’s like they had 400 different people all make one scene and these 400 people had no contact with each other whatsoever So then when they smashed it together in the editing room it’s just completely and utterly incoherent The ineptitude of this film can be summed up just by showing you the opening scene There is no thought or care put into slowly introducing you into what the hell is going on In the very opening shot of the movie they introduce 5 different characters, (yes I’m counting the dog) A huge machine that erm like makes everyone fly into the air into this portal thing All of this while an annoying kid is explaining what everyone’s name is And just shoving a shit-tonne of exposition right in our face “I know what you’re thinking” “Some sort of science-fiction movie right?” “That’s me, Peter” “Now listen up, because here’s the strange part” “This is not fiction, it’s all real!” Like Jesus Christ, give me a second to process what I’m seeing This is complete sensory overload! Now just imagine that one scene, but for an hour and 20 minutes And you’ve got yourself ‘Fantastic 4orce’ The plot goes as follows I’m not going to go into immense detail, and you should thank me for it If you really wanna know the details that bad, buy this shit yourself on DVD I’m sure the production company could really use the pennies to buy sardines so they don’t fucking starve to death After the title card, the obvious villain of the movie is introduced His running joke is that every time he starts laughing, a bug flies into his mouth, and it makes him choke [Laughing] [Choking] Yes I’m aware I did call that a running joke, but it’s not funny at all So I guess that it’s just a thing that happens in every scene that he’s in It goes as far as to say this joke is so unfunny that the film-makers actually tried their hardest to make it as unfunny as possible Just to see what kind of terrible shit they could get away with I am really fucking angry Or just to punish me, that’s what it feels like There certainly isn’t anyone else sitting through ‘Fantastic 4orce’ Are you fucking kidding me? For some reason the president and his wife are oddly important to this film Well, nothing is important, particularly, they’re just in it…a lot “Guess you just don’t love me anymore, now that you’re so busy being the president” “Of course I do!” You’re probably asking yourself ‘Why does everyone move so weird?’ ‘Why does everyone sound so weird?’ ‘What is happening?’ ‘Why does it look like they’re not actually saying what I’m hearing?’ That’s because this film was originally called ‘The Illusionauts’ or ‘Los ilusionautas’ Which sounds…Spanish, to me I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s Spanish So presumably, this film has been dubbed in English Not that the film even gives you much time to focus on what’s being said because the pacing is so- It continues to meander along There’s a bunch of lions chasing a hot air balloon Then giant octopus Whatever Then some scientists go along to see Christopher Lloyd “I know precisely what happened” “Someone has found the Imaginasium and used it to sabotage these stories” Who’s playing someone only known as ‘The Professor’ Man, I tell you what, Christopher Lloyd, he had such an amazing year in 2012 Not only was he in this movie But believe it or not, he also starred in such ‘Search For The Worst’ hits known as: ‘Foodfight!’ and ‘The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure’ These were all in the same year I…I really hope the paychecks were worth it, Mr Lloyd The film just keeps going on with these aimless scenes Until 16 minutes and 10 seconds into the movie, when we’re finally introduced to our main character, or characters, the four kids The main one is the tubby bookworm nerd who gets bullied Then there’s the fuccboi one who loves videogames and is also a nerd Then there’s another fat one called Profiterole He does a lot of farts [Flatulence] And he has a dog called Houston Yeah, I wasn’t making a joke The only thing that defines this one’s character is that he farts a lot He does a lot of farts I’m not shitting you, that’s the only reason he’s in this movie [Repeated heavy flatulence] “Profiterole forms the Gas Appreciation Society” And last and least, there’s the blonde girl who’s really good at fighting Played by Buffy the Vampire Slayer I don’t actually know what the central drive of the plot is Partially because I wasn’t properly paying attention and I…and I just refuse to watch this again And also because it’s incredibly confusing and I’m not kidding when I say it makes absolutely no sense at all The plot summary on IMDB is six lines long This is a children’s movie for babies, why does it take six lines to explain the plot of your movie? Wait, and then when you read this plot summary, it’s badly translated and makes no sense “Unlikely events shake France. All the heroes of the famous Jules Verne lived and, without knowing it, are chaos and destruction.” “And all because of the new French president and the minister for culture conceived to make a novel by the great writer edits and confused everything.” “Save the situation can only team of 4 talented children are sent back in time to return all the stories on track and put the heroes of Jules Verne back to the pages of books.” Wh…what?! I recognised a few references to Jules Verne books like ‘Around the World in 80 Days’ And ‘20000 Leagues Under the Sea’ But, err, yeah, like Jules Verne He wrote fiction So how can you send these kids back in time to…to fiction? Like…like they’re stories, they didn’t actually happen, but umm, yeah The dog is only called Houston, so that when they’re in space, err, they can say “Houston, we have a problem” Heheheh, which, that…that…that…that’s incredibly funny I’ll give them that one, that’s ingenious writing I did get a nice chuckle every single time the fat boy fucking shits himself though [Flatulence] Class comedy Absolute fucking genius comedy right there An hour and 17 minutes of this It’s fucking horrific, it…it’s honestly just fucking embarrassing Why are they in ‘TRON’ suits? Oh wait, I don’t care “Voila!” Why do their suits make the same noise as the doors from ‘Dead Space’? Why is that in this movie…and why did I recognise that more importantly? [Incomprehensible] “Profiterole!” [Dead Space door noise] This has gotta be the same thing, right, surely? [Comparison of suit noise and Dead Space door noise] [Flatulence] What is happening? What the fuck is happening? I’m kinda done talking about this movie, because…hurting my head…it’s But in the end, the villain reveals that his motivation all along was because he is left-handed And he only trusts left-handed people And that’s why he hates Jules Verne, or something “This is a conspiracy! They want to have us disappear” “Who do they want to have disappear?” “The lefties!” “The lefties?” “Yes, yes, yes!” “All of those geniuses!” “Da Vinci, Napoléon, Chopin, Beethoven, Seinfeld” Buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz “All of them, all of them left-handed, all” “Can you hold for one minute?” [Flatulence] Movie because!! Then they save the day in a scene that’s nearly identical to ‘The Incredibles’ But instead of it being a giant robot, it’s a giant octopus The end ‘Fantastic 4orce’ is one of the most atrocious pieces of media I’ve ever had the displeasure of seeing Y’know sometimes, I will recommend a bad movie on the basis of you might be able to learn something from how bad this is Because there might’ve been a good idea along the line or a couple of things you can appreciate here and there But I’m not exaggerating when I say that nothing in this film works It’s an absolute unmitigated fucking disaster Not only is it really fucking weird for a baby-movie to rely so heavily on Jules Verne and HG Wells references for the fucking plot But the breakneck, mind-numbing pacing, horrible animation and style, and awful up-close cinematography and constant camera-shake Make this film feel like it’s trying to burst out of the screen and fucking attack you You’re probably waiting for me to say that this is the worst of the 8 films in the ‘Not Disney’ collection But get this, get this Brace yourselves for this By the end of watching all of these 8 films, this one was actually my favourite Yes, I’m serious ‘Fantastic 4orce’ was my favourite out of these 8 monstrosities You should be fucking terrified for what you’re about to see I am not shitting you [Music] I’m not gonna talk about ‘Frozen Land’ for long, because it’s fucking boring If I ever need to describe anything as being boring ever again, instead I’m gonna use the words ‘Frozen Land’ As an adjective instead of ‘boring’ Boring, boring ‘Frozen Land’ The fucking cunts who released this movie should be ashamed Not because it’s a generic by-the-books, visually uninteresting amalgamation of half-a-dozen much better animated films But watch this clip from the title card of the fucking movie and be as blown away as I was at the revelation [Dramatic traditional music] Did you catch that? Let me…let me play it again at half the speed [Dramatic traditional music] For about 15 frames you can see what the original title of this movie was It’s a bit dark so you can hardly see But the original name of this movie is ‘The Legend of Sarila’ Two more seconds in the editing room would’ve hidden this error and I might not have figured this out Two more fucking seconds! [Dramatic traditional music] Luckily whoever edited this is a lazy, lazy soul ‘The Legend of Sarila’ A movie that’s such a boring, ‘Frozen Land’ of a failure That they needed to change its name and peddle it as something else, to even stand a chance of anyone buying it Fittingly, the movie itself is a ‘Frozen Land’ of entertainment Take a look at one of the original posters That’s the most boring goddamn thing I’ve ever seen in my entire fucking life That’s the most boring thing I’ve ever seen Fuck you ‘Frozen Land’! And the movie is the exact same as that poster, just a bunch of assholes walking around in the snow Being boring, mostly There’s not a more incredible landscape you could’ve ruined and made utterly, utterly ‘Frozen Land’ I mean boring I mean look, this is a picture of a true ‘frozen land’ And when you search for ‘frozen land’ on Google Image search, you get the true results of what a frozen land is supposed to be I mean look at this one Or how about one of these? Okay, one more “You’re a di-” Okay, let’s get real, let’s get real for a moment Out of the entire ‘Not Disney’ collection, ‘Frozen Land’ is the closest to an actual movie of the bunch, I think The animation is consistent and acceptable It kept reminding me of that ‘Star Wars: Clone Wars’ show Which I guess people like, but it has that cheap style where everything looks like a toy That did start as a compliment, but it turned into an insult halfway through, I just can’t help it The voice-acting is fine Every element is just ‘fine’ It’s the most inoffensive, forgettable thing you could ever watch Problem is, in my opinion, being bored to tears is kind of worse than being baffled to tears You feel every single second of time scrape past, because there is nothing entertaining happening The movie structure is even fucking boring Scene with the village, or the villain being a nuisance Then cut to the three assholes going to find Sarila Then cut back to the village It’s putting me to sleep, trying to describe this to you I’ll describe the story to you in a couple of words Now, okay, seriously, I’m being serious this time No, but like it is really fucking boring though All of the animals are gone, and this group of people are starving to death ’cause they don’t have any animals to eat [Intensely irritating high-pitched animal squeal] There’s a legend of a wonderful place called ‘Sarila’, where there are loads of animals to hunt and eat so they don’t die “- that lies to the North, among the glaciers, rich in game,” “a land that only the pure of heart can set-foot and gather its abundance” “Hahah, Sarila, hahaha” Then a small group of people go to Sarila and hunt animals, then they come home and everything is cool The villain is played by the villain from ‘UP’ He’s got a pretty good voice “I no longer need your protection” That is the only positive I can think of for this movie Weirdly enough, I noticed that bunch of story-beats and elements Seem to be nearly directly ripped-off from a couple of 2D Dreamworks animated movies that were also commercial failures You know what they say, “When in doubt, and you have absolutely no ideas of your own whatsoever, copy ‘El Dorado’ and ‘Sinbad, Legend of the Seven Seas'” And I’m sure your movie will make ALL the money I’m sure that’ll turn out great for your movie Now, I actually quite like ‘El Dorado’ and ‘Sinbad’, they’re pretty charming in a lot of ways and they’re actually entertaining More entertaining than ‘Frozen Land’, that’s for sure Here are the weirdly similar story elements A villain who knows a bunch of magic for no reason A god-type character who communicates with another character underwater An arranged-marriage sub-plot A fucking annoying shithead animal Combine those two movies, then add a bit of ‘Ice Age’ and ‘Brother Bear’ And kaboom! You’ve got the deformed creature known as ‘Frozen Land’ Or sorry, I mean, ‘The Legend of Sarila’ I don’t wanna talk about this fuckin’ movie anymore [Music] “[Incomprehensible] uncle’s transmission antenna” “These are live images of the surface of Venus” Jesus fucking Christ it just keeps getting worse I mentioned ‘The Little Abortion Fighter’ earlier in this video Well ‘what’s UP’ is made by the same company And somehow, somehow they fucking managed to make it an even bigger piece of shit than ‘The Little Panda Fighter’ was It’s actually…it’s actually unreal For some reason the rip of the DVD had these fucking weird lines and squares all over it So it’s nearly completely unwatchable I…I think there’s something wrong with the DVD It was probably produced in the cheapest way possible, so I’m honestly not surprised To be utterly fair to it though, it does play fine straight off the DVD The word ‘fine’ being relative, of course, because you’re still watching ‘what’s UP’ If you didn’t know already, the company who shits out these fuckfests of rushed CG animation Specialise in shitting out a 45 minute long movie based on what they see in a trailer Just so they can release something at the same time as the real studio who actually put effort in And then fight for shelf-space or get the odd accidental buy because the covers look so similar to the real movie they’re mimicking For the record, the name ‘what’s UP’ is such a desperate stretch to force in the word ‘up’ that it’s honestly fucking pathetic As for what happens in the movie, well, I don’t really have a fucking clue For real though, does it even matter at this point? For these ones in particular, you know exactly ‘what’s up’ Oh for fuck’s sake I’m just gonna turn the mic on, call up Ruben And ask him to remind me of what happens in this fucking movie because I refuse to watch this ever again I’m not gonna put myself through that That’s like 40 minutes I could jerk-off, or watch paint dry in that time [Phone ringing] – Umm..hello? Ruben, is that you? – Yes Oh, so you’re not dead, that’s good – Oh, right -I mean I took that picture I don’t really No, listen, I need your help for something – Oh yeah? Like, this is dire, right here – 12 minutes to midnight? you remember the movie ‘what’s UP’? “One does!” – Yeah..I mean I You do? – I’d managed to block it out, but you brought it all back Can you..I’m sorry, but can you..can you tell me what happens in ‘what’s UP’? What’s the plot of ‘what’s UP’? – There’s..err..screen No, apart from the screen tearing, what was the story? – S..screen tearing What was the main character? What was his name? – [Laughter] I don’t know! [Laughter] What happened in ‘what’s UP’, Ruben? What happened in the movie? – [In hysterics] There was a lady in pink, there was a scientist..there was a.. – I know the end..they were throwing a ball around..and like..Jean Pierre? – I know the villain’s name, Jean Pierre, I think? How the fuck did you remember that? – Or maybe that was like ‘Fantastic 4orce’ So..what..didn’t they capture ghosts or something? Weren’t they ghostbusters? – Pretty much, but they were monster-busters – I mean the bit where they all get kitted up in beige jumpsuits with like, packs So what you’re saying, is that it’s your favourite film – Yeah And you hope they make a sequel soon – Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying, an all female..err..sequel would be good [Laughter] I had a feeling it would go down like this I couldn’t remember the story and I’m sure as hell never watching it ever again – Yeah, I mean, back of the case doesn’t help either so No, it’s all lies – I remember the music being horrible and the voice-acting being horrible “One does!” – I was just..kinda like..zoning out Everything’s horrible – Yeah Like I was hoping that you could take me through the story but I had a feeling that you have no idea – No I have a picture of random images from it, but I don’t [incomprehensible] But that’s all it is though, it’s just a series of random images That’s the whole film, summarised – Well yeah Well there you go ladies and gents, that’s the whole fuckin’ film – I..I hope you enjoy the rest of the video Do you have any final words Ruben, before you go back to being FUCKING DEAD – Ermm – Subscribe to ermm..PewDiePie Yep – I meant JAR Media, but PewDiePie came out Yeah and everyone Tweet at Ruben ”what’s UP’, is that not your favourite movie?’ – That’s..that’s like the fourth Tweet request now that you’ve given them, my Twitter’s gonna be fucking ruined I’m gonna hang-up now – Good Byee!! Cunt [Music] [Car engine starting] [Brass music] ‘A Car’s Life’ is my religion I very firmly believe that this is what you see before you die Where to begin with this atrocity? Never before have I seen ineptitude on this level Oh wait Oh wait The only interesting thing about this movie exists It claims on the back of the DVD to be a story “Inspired by a true father-son relationship” Which explains why the story is about a young car who gets peer-pressured by an older, more slutty car into getting piercings and tattoos And also going out into the desert with his girlfriend so that they can get ambushed and killed [Smashing] [Screaming] Yeah that..that does happen All of that happens this children’s movie “Speedy! Speedy!” It’s got a U look, it’s got a U for..everyone? It doesn’t begin with an ‘E’..uhh.. A car literally gets smashed to death in the last scene of this movie [Hellish sounds] This is probably the most horrific animation out of the entire ‘Not Disney’ collection The style, backgrounds and motion are all pretty painful to look at If you skip to completely random scenes in this 40 minute movie, you’ll notice that just about everything looks the exact same You could probably re-edit the order of the film as well and it wouldn’t make a fucking difference A boring colour palette, bad character models Just…bad everything, really [Brass music] When the Comic Sans credits pop-up at the end I wasn’t too surprised to read that this was written, directed and animated by one single person Admittedly, I probably would be nicer towards this movie if it wasn’t shamelessly cashing in on the popularity of ‘Cars’ and was an original thing Honestly, at this point, five movies into the ‘Not Disney’ Collection, I’d actually forgotten what a real animated film looks like So I put on the trailer for ‘Cars’ Like, the actual ‘Cars’ Which is one of my least favourite Pixar movies But even seeing the animation of my least favourite Pixar film was enough to bring me back into the real world of what animated movies can look like [Brass music] So going back to ‘A Cars Life’ Which let me point out is missing the correct grammar on the front of the box, by the way Bit of a fuck-up, right there The film has no through-line or focus Most of the time, every character is just sort of car-ing around the boring pit-stop And every single character is designed so poorly that it’s honestly astonishing The main character has his mouth in the wrong place Which constantly bugged me should be lower..why is it there? That’s where his nose would be, it looks like his nose is talking And then take a character like this, for example What traits does this character design spring out at you? Like, how, from this design, do you think this character should act? Well, this is supposed to be the sexy seductress car “Who cares what the other cars think?” “Live for today” But for some reason, they made her look like one of those Jeeps from ‘Jurassic Park’ Man, that’s real sexy, woah..woah mama, calm down ‘Jurassic Park’ Jeep, fuck me You might think that this was ’cause this film is trying to put forward some kind of progressive message by having the cars look like anything they want But I think the real reason is probably more likely that because the one guy who made this movie ran out of assets to use Then there’s the pink car Who has a moustache for some reason And has, the worst, the fucking worst voice-acting I’ve ever heard in any piece of media [Incredibly irritating high-pitched bible-belt accent]
Go Lance! Go! Go! Go, make history! [Orgasm sound] So forget even being able to put this on to send your child to sleep As soon as this fucking cunt opens her mouth, they’ll be wide awake and ready for escape The only other interesting thing about ‘A Cars Life’ is the weird horror trope that acts as the beginning and end for the movie It starts with the main character, Sparky, his name is, very cute And his father Going to the gravestone of Sparky’s dead cousin Which is randomly is the middle of a fucking desert “What does RIP mean again?” “Rust in peace” “You remember Piston?” “Of course, he yelled a lot” “Where’s the rest of Piston?” “[Sigh] His hubcap is all they found” “Don’t know what happened to the rest” Then fast-forward to the end of the film And it turns out the bimbo who’s been fucking with Sparky the whole time Is actually responsible for the murder of his cousin “[Sigh]” “Dad, Diesel killed Piston!” “I knew it!” “Get me my lawyer” “Where’s the rest of Piston?” “[Sigh] His hubcap is all they found” “Goodbye, Sparky” what? Why is this necessary for a baby-movie about talking cars? The original score for the film is so loud and misused and generally unpleasant On top of everything else, it somehow makes the experience even more unbearable All in all, I’m gonna give this film a solid 8/10 IHE Movie Choice Magazine Award for the Movie of the Day Ass-a-holic bitches only! You’re welcome! [Music] ‘Car’s Life 2’ improves on every aspect the first movie failed to do But that’s like having a normal shit instead of diarrhoea A still disgusting piece of shit at the end of the day The CG is more stylised and clean The aspect ratio is correct this time All in all, it’s a lot less of a visual bombardment of overwhelming pissy oily car shit They toned down some of the voice-acting and replaced a few of the really poor decisions Like the Dad character’s voice-actor, he’s gone And there’s not…murder…this time The only positive the first movie has over this one is the fact that it is half the running time ‘Car’s Life 2’ is nearly an hour and 20 minutes long and my God, do you feel every second of it It’s *just* bearable for about half, but after that it’s just too much It’s very clearly aimed at extremely young children who But then, why would anyone in their right mind choose this over ‘Cars’ or ‘Cars 2’? This is ultimately where the biggest problem with ‘Car’s Life 2’ lies, in being so inoffensive, so harmless, they expect me to give it a pass But ultimately, it is still ripping-off the worst Pixar movie and it’s still a sub-par piece of entertainment for the whopping price of £1.36 Every single detail of the story is incredibly simplistic and overexplained There is not one single bit of entertainment value in this movie for anyone over the age of…2 [Crying] “Oh dear” The only ironic enjoyment I could find was taking screenshots of various facial expressions and leaving my imagination to fill in the context Here, let’s have a look at a few [Brass music] ‘Car’s Life 2’ is still a ‘fuck you’ [Rapping about gasoline] But there’s absolutely nothing to say about it, nothing interesting at least The story is nearly identical to the first iteration It even ends on the same joke as the first movie “Are you giving Diesel a ticket for killing Piston and slicing Speedy?” “Nope, for driving without a license” [Sigh] “Diesel, you’re under arrest” “Whyyyyyy?” [Slowed down] “For trying to kill me?” “Diesel is under arrest for driving with an expired registration” “That’s ironic, but it’s not dramatic” And the only new elements it brings to the table are just scenes where the point or punchline is repeated ad nauseum to hammer home a very broad or child-friendly point I don’t know why they felt it was necessary to have a love sub-plot with these two characters Like who fucking cares? Just take this out and have a more focused baby-movie And there are like 17 more ‘Car’s Life’ movies that I’m sure are making some guy’s wallet very happy I considered not even finishing watching this the first time I put it on I did in the end, but you could watch like two minutes of this and have the exact same experience that I did Fuck this, next movie [Music] ‘Sky Force’ comes dangerously close to being compentent Anthro planes Notice I did say ‘close’, though, it is still a terrific failure Out of all of these movies, it’s certainly the most visually exciting, some of the fake CG camera-work is not even that bad at times Anthro planes But much like ‘Car’s Life 2’ there simply isn’t enough material to keep it interesting Also this is literally the anthro plane movie The story is about a plane who’s called Ace, who’s the cocky member of a group of an elite emergency rescue team called ‘Sky Force’ The opening scene is very over-the-top and admittedly, kind of exciting It’s quite refreshing actually, after all this shit we’ve just seen “Ahh! Oh no!” “Help me! Help!” It’s quite an elaborate action scene for a movie like this and it goes on for a full five minutes Then after that action scene is over it immediately transitions into another one Where this time Ace’s cockiness results in the death, yes, the death [Metal grinding] “We will make it!” [Explosion] “Did he..?” “No…[sigh]” “He was too badly damaged” Of one of the other Sky Force members which results in him leaving the force The ‘Sky Force’ I’m not sure why these rip-off ‘Cars’ movies are so obsessed with death [Chuckle] But it makes for some pretty hilarious and ridiculous stuff for a kids movie about Anthro planes What about when he comes back as a fuckin’…a fuckin’ ghost? Look, it’s Mufasa! Hey, plane-ghost Mufasa! Anthro plane As the film goes on, you begin to notice that reason that everything is so ridiculous and over-the-top is because this is a dubbed Chinese movie I’m not saying Chinese movies are all over-the-top, I simply wouldn’t know But the over-exaggerated movement and confusing delivery of some of the lines “I can’t think about that right now” “I promised the boss I would get us back on track” “So we better hurry so we don’t miss the next w-” “Sounds great” “Back in line for some more fun” “Fred! Behind you!” [Hitting sound] Makes a whole lot more sense with that knowledge I was doing a little bit of research around this movie and I found something kind of interesting This movie is on IMDB twice First as ‘Sky Force 3D’, from 2012 Then again, under the title ‘Wings: Sky Force Heroes’ A retroactive sequel, to some awful-looking movie called ‘Wings’ From what I can tell, they are the exact same movie The only difference being that the 2014 release has Rob Schneider playing this annoying robot-thing [Rock music]
“Rob Schneider” So you definitely- [Chuckling] So you definitely know which version to pick up if you’re interested [Laughing] Rob Schneider [Rock music]
“Rob Schneider” Unfortunately, poor old Ace feels a whole lot of guilt for his partner dying, horribly burning to death Being crushed, probably too Horrible death So he leaves the Sky Force “I think the first order of business is finding a new job” “Whattt?” And as soon as he leaves the Sky Force, that’s when the movie gets a whole lot more ‘Frozen Land’ I mean boring, I mean ‘Frozen Land’ A big chunk of the movie is dedicated to various montages of Ace going through bunch of different occupations, trying to find a place to fit in He eventually winds up settling in some kind-of..weird mining facility? Run by a comically exaggerated villain character who wears a top-hat and only cares about money How original, howww original Ace and his irritating floating eyebrows fall-out with Rob Schneider in a fucking hilarious melodramatic scene which is shot like a serious drama But it’s with an anthro plane and Rob Schneider Sorry, I mean a robot man Wait, yeah, Rob Schneider “No Ace, I wanna talk now, I don’t wanna do this anymore” I dunno about you but I feel like these robot-people are kind-of a cop-out At least in the ‘Cars’ universe they’re consistent, like everything is a vehicle Like a vehicle that actually exists in real life Like whatever Rob Schneider is, that’s not a thing that exists, that’s just a robot-man Who’s only purpose is to climb inside..Ace’s asshole? And I guess he like..controls him from the inside, or some shit? It’s never really explained One of the generic worker planes gets into an accident And then Ace saves the goddamn day, motherfucker, ’cause he’s a hero, he’s a Sky Force Then to celebrate, everyone goes to a fair and they all dance to the Numa Numa song Y’know, ma ya hi, ma ya hu [O-Zone – Dragostea Din Tei] Y’know, the shit that was popular in what, 2005? 6? My theory on why this just, horrific scene is in the movie is because I bet they thought this is what would appeal to European audiences Of course they were wrong, horribly wrong Or maybe they’re just out of touch, I don’t know Either way it’s just…ugh..oh God, it’s bad The climax of the movie [Orgasm sound] Takes place at the mining facility in the heart of a storm, where shit all goes wrong Then Sky Force shows up and saves the day with the help of Ace…and everyone along the way And wowee, look, in the end, Ace is back with Sky Force Isn’t that grand? What a lovely ending Now as a rip-off, or a spin-off of ‘Cars’, this isn’t really the worst thing I’ve ever seen It definitely outstays its welcome and is horribly out-of-touch at points But this is definitely one of the better pieces of shit in the ‘Not Disney’ collection I’m so tired Let’s do the final film now [Music] Everyone knows the story of Rapunzel It doesn’t even need an introduction So let’s get right into it It is a little bit worrying that the DVD file is called ‘DVD_Title1’, when all the others have had proper names Like even ‘what’s UP’ had a name But everyone knows Rapunzel, she doesn’t need any introduction [Music like a bad mid-80s kids educational show mixed with RuneScape] Hey, this intro’s kinda cool, what’s this all about? “The story of ‘Hansel and Gretel’-” What? What the fuck? Who? Is this real? Wait, ‘Tangled Up’, is a rip-off of ‘Tangled’, which is based on ‘Rapunzel’, right? Not ‘Hansel and Gretel’ Not ‘Hansel and Gretel’ Not ‘Hansel and Gretel’ What is..what is going on? What is this? Helloooo? Hello? Am I in purgatory? Is this even a movie? Is this even a fucking movie? What is this? What..what on Earth am I looking at? Why is this ‘Hansel and Gretel’? I didn’t pay for ‘Hansel and Gretel’, I paid for ‘Rapunzel’! Oh, it’s over But wait, there’s still another 30 minutes left [Same music as before] Okay, maybe the next one is ‘Rapunzel’, let’s calm down Okay, it’s this intro, again This music really hurts my brain What??! What? ‘The Woodcutter’s Wealthy Sister’? What kind of fairy-tale is this? Who made this ‘Rapunzel’ DVD? I want my money back! “She was a monster” Okay, there’s a cat-lady and a man who shouts at his wife “Nahhhh, go back to bed, you were only dreaming” “No! It’s true! You must get up!” “Silence! Go to sleep!” [Grunting] “And he was never heard from, again” Then he gets eaten Oh, I guess that’s the end And now, onto ‘Pedro and the Monster’ Huh? What? Huh??! Okay, so that one’s over And there’s that fucking music again, it’s starting to grind my gears now Ha, are you for real? Haha, are you for real? [Same music as before] It took you 22 and a half, no wait, nearly 23 minutes, of your 45 minute long fucking movie to get to what was shown on the cover The first line of the DVD is “Tangled up is the fabulous fairy tale of Rapunzel[sic]” You lied to me! Spiderman! You betrayed my trust! How dare you Brightspark? How fucking dare you? I thought you were kind of funny before, but now, you’re my fucking mortal enemy, now Fuck you Brightspark Fuck you for re-purposing random animated TV features from the 90s and selling them as Disney movie rip-offs You should be ashamed! You should be fucking ashamed! You’ll be hearing from my lawyer team about this! Okay, so we might as well finish this Fuck it Just, to be perfectly fair, the Rapunzel short is the best one on this..this..compilation of random 90s animations Where the fuck do they even find these? I mean really I guess it has cute animation and a nice style, that is all [Same music as before, heavily sped-up] The penultimate story is the beloved fairy-tale of ‘Fenchelchen’ [Struggling to pronounce it]
‘Fenchelchen’ ‘Fenchelchen’ ‘Fenchelchen’ You know the one, where the witch turns into fennel Y’know, fennel, you ever tried fennel? I’m running out of bemusement words, y’know, at this point Why have you forsaken me on this day? I feel like this is the tape they watch in ‘The Ring’, but in real life Last up is ‘The Princess in the Tower’ I originally fell asleep at this point so I have no idea what happens It has fucking horrific animation and someone talks to a bird “One day he happened to be talking to an eagle” [Squawking] “You see, he knew how to speak the language of birds” “You’re a di-” I guess that’s all, for that one Uh [Same music as before] Oh, they just had to throw in that fucking music there one more time ‘Tangled Up’ isn’t a movie It’s a collection of…educational?..fairy-tale animations produced in 1991 I have nothing else to add to this except a big fuck you, to Brightspark, for having this be purchasable off Amazon Like, I can’t believe I’m saying this But I have more respect, for Video Brinquedo than I do for you fuckers [Music] So that was the ‘Not Disney’ collection What a fucking horrific bunch of movies I hope we’ve all learnt something very important today, folks That plagiarism, and shameless copying, is never the way And most importantly, do you wanna know what I’ve learnt? Do you wanna know what I’ve learnt? It’s to never do another 8 film ‘Search For The Worst’ I mean, one film is bad enough on its own What was I fucking thinking? If I had to order these films from my favourite to my least favourite, it would go as follows My favourite is ‘Fantastic 4orce’ Followed by ‘Sky Force’ ‘Car’s Life 2’ ‘Frozen Land’ ‘A Car’s Life’ ‘what’s UP’ ‘Braver’ And finally, ‘Tangled Up’ I would recommend none of these movies I’m going to be greeted by these films at the gates of Hell If you like this video enough, maybe eventually I’ll do one on rip-off Dreamworks movies, if enough exist I know there’s one on ‘Bee Movie’ People like ‘Bee Movie’, right? “Buzz buzz buzz, buzz buzz buzz” Who knows? Maybe if that happens, that would be the one that finally kills me And up next in ‘The Search For The Worst’ is… ‘Shark Exorcist’ Now, this is from the same production company as ‘The Amazing Bulk’ So I think we all know exactly how this is gonna go [Smooth outro music] It’s finally done! All of that time patiently waiting for a new video and here it fucking is This is literally months of work poured into one video I hope it pays off It’s just like all these little details that you wouldn’t even think of That made this take such a fucking long time But anyway, I hope you enjoyed it Despite how fucking bad these films are I think it made for an entertaining ‘Search For The Worst’ special I’m thinking about doing one of these specials Once every six months or something? We’ll see what the reception is to this one If you like this video, please give it a share, or post it somewhere I dunno, I’m so tired, just help me And as always, thanks for watching All comments and ratings are very much appreciated Make sure you check out the huge ‘Trying To Watch’ for this episode Which has me and Ruben’s genuine first reaction to all of these movies I’ll see you next time Boiye


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