YOU KNOW, SPEAKING OF RACIAL
TENSIONS, THE OSCARS. (LAUGHTER)
I WAS UP LATE LAST NIGHT WATCHING THE WHOLE SHOW, WHICH
WENT PASES 11:30, I DON’T KNOW HOW ANYBODY WATCHES TV THAT
LATE. IT’S CRAZY. (LAUGHTER)
THE GOOD NEWS, I WON MY OFFICES CARPOOL! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: BECAUSE, BECAUSE
I’M FILLING IT OUT RIGHT NOW, OKAY. “SPOLTLIGHT” NO ONE ELSE HAD
THAT ONE. I ALSO HAD A GOOD FEEL BEING
MARK MANGINI FOR BEST SOUND EDITING. AND I WILL PUT DOWN CHRIS ROCK
FOR BEST HOST. NOW I WANT TO CONGRATULATE ALL
OF LAST NIGHT’S WINNERS, ESPECIALLY LEO. I CALL HIM–
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE).>>Stephen: I AGREE. YOU DID IT, LEO! AND I CALL HIM LEO BECAUSE I SAW
HIM ON TV LAST NIGHT. SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND, BUDDY. I’M GOING TO WATCH “THE BEACH.” (LAUGHTER)
THIS HAS BEEN A LONG TIME COMING FOR LEO. HE WAS FIRST NOMINATED FOR
WHAT’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE AND 22 YEARS LATER HE FINALLY WON
FOR GETTING EATEN. I MEAN REALLY EARNED THIS ONE. TO GET HIS OSCAR LEO WAS MAULED
BY A BEAR, BURIED ALIVE, SLEPT INSIDE A DEAD HORSE, THAT ERODE
OFF OF A CLIFF. IF HE DIDN’T WIN FOR THAT, HIS
NEXT MOVIE WAS GOING TO BE ABOUT A MAN SWALLOWED BY A SNAKE, RUN
OVER BY A TRUCK BUT ESCAPED TO FIST FIGHT THE NAZI MOOSE WHO
ABDUCTED HIS WIFE. SO AGAIN, CONGRAT, WILL– LEO. NOW YOU CAN JUST SIT BACK, RELAX
AND GET FAT. SERIOUSLY, I THINK I SPEAK FOR
MILLIONS OF MEN WHO WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU GET FAT. (LAUGHTER)
NOW I AM SURE OTHER PEOPLE WON TOO BUT I DID NOT WATCH THE
ENTIRE CEREMONY. I LIKE TO FLIP AROUND DURING
AWARD SHOWS. YOU KNOW DURING THE SUPER BOWL
HALF TIME THEY HAVE ANIMAL PLANET WITH THE PUPPY BOWL? WELL, AT THE OSCAR HALF TIME I
WENT TO SWITCH OVER TO THE POPPY OSCARS WHICH WE HAD TO MAKE
OURSELVES BECAUSE THEY DON’T EXIST. (LAUGHTER)
AND THIS YEAR THE PUPPY OSCARS WERE ABSOLUTELY MAGICAL. LET’S TAKE A LOOK AT THE ACTION
ON THE RED CARPET. A LOT– A LOT OF DARING OUTFITS
THIS NIGHT. HOLLYWOOD DOES LIKE THEM YOUNG. HARD FOR A DOG TO FIND WORK
AFTER THEY TURN FOUR. A BIT OF A RUN-IN WITH THE
PRESS. SOMEONE DIDN’T LIKE RYAN
SEACREST’S QUESTIONS. THE TROUBLE WITH HIGH HEELS,
EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE DOGSK THINGS GOT A LITTLE KATY OUT
THERE. OF COURSE THE MOMENT EVERYONE
WAS WAITING FOR WAS WHO WOULD WIN BEST ACKER. THE CROWD WAS ON THE EDGE OF
THEIR SEATS. WOULD IT BE MATT DAMON FOR THE
MARTIAN, TOM HARDY FOR MAD MAX, A LONG SHOT SINCE HE WAS NOT
NOMINATED. ORALLY NARDO DICAPRIO FOR “THE
REVENANT.” AND IN THE PUPPY OSCARS T WENT
TO MATT DAMON. HUGE UPSET. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
THERE’S MATT’S BEAUTIFUL WIFE APPLAUDING. I DON’T– I DON’T KNOW WHY MATT
DAMON IS DRESSED LIKE A PILGRIM BUT HE STILL LOOKED FABULOUS,
NONE THE LESS AND THERE WAS IN THE A DRY EYE IN THE HOUSE, OF
COURSE, WHEN THEY PRESENTED THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD TO
DEXTER, A 15 YEAR OLD TOOTHLESS PUG. AND THERE IS MATT DAMON’S LOVELY
WIFE, SHARING THE JOY AGAIN. MY CONGRATULATIONS TO THE
WINNERS. YOU’RE ALL GOOD DOGS. AND ALL THE PURPOSEES IN THIS
INDIVIDUAL– PUPPIES IN THIS VIDEO ARE AVAILABLE FOR
ADOPTION. GO GET THEM.