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Norm MacDonald @ Canadian Candy Awards 2016



live from Toronto at the Sony Center it's the fourth annual Canadian Screen Awards with your host Norma Donald featured Martin Short Jay Baruchel Rick Mercer Emily VanCamp Jacob Tremblay christopher plummer and Donald Sutherland now please welcome Norfolk doll thank you and good evening I'm normally gone and I could not be more excited to be here you know when I was asked to host the Canadian Screen Awards I called my good friend Chris Rock and I said to him I've got some great news Chris I'm going to Canada and he said I've got some great news – I'm hosting the Oscars what are you doing in Canada and I said dad you are visiting some family friends the usual we're coming to you live from Toronto or as you cost-cutting location scouts call it New York City look at this beautiful crowd I wanted some dashing men that's kind of like Volvo look at this beautiful crowd though folks – you dashing men in black tie sophisticated women in elegant gowns and tonight all of you are going to hear the word shits about a hundred times never has there been such an assembly of great Canadian talent in a single location that that did not have to be Zamboni first today at the CSA is a being seen in over 50 countries isn't that exciting oh wait I'm sorry don't wait wait I read that 50 counties and a couple of regional municipalities we are here to celebrate nominees for their wonderful work in Canadian cinema and television which is a lot like celebrating the Northern Lights you probably haven't seen them but you've heard they're amazing you know we were wearing people would record the show and there's just fast-forward to the good parts as is the want these days so we have put a plan in place to prevent that from happening we have decided to not have any good parts I'm doing my part but no that's not true we have a lot to celebrate in our industry amongst the TV shows nominated tonight or Amazing Race Canada big brother Canada MasterChef Canada Wiggly come up with these ideas I we are honored to have the great Christopher Plummer here tonight mr. plumber has nominated four remember the story of a man who at age 90 sets out to kill the Nazi who murdered his family and I thought I left things the last minute it has been a wonderful year for Canada it's been it especially great year for one little guy one adorable little Canadian youngster who's already accomplished so much of course you know I'm talking about Justin Trudeau how he had a wonderful year now I'm kidding I was misdirecting you I'm talking about Jacob Tremblay Jacob is up for Best Actor to be competing against the a firm mention Christopher Plummer II know Jacob is only 9 years old Christopher Plummer 86 years old but they have a couple of things in common one the deep love of their craft and two they are both up way past their bedtimes and tonight the Lifetime Achievement Award will be presented to mr. Martin Short it's the Academy's way of saying thank you so much we've had enough little gone wrinkled as a friend it's open Arthur knew Alice's here tonight absolutely she has done some powerful work in the book of Negroes which tells the story of a woman confronting the tragic legacy of racism an 18th century America oh did I mention on the show sunny side I play a talking manhole doesn't is better it is different recive sutherland is here nominated for his role in river and he's here with his iconic father Donald Sutherland was come to support his son not to compete with him like someone I know Eugene Levy oh and Catherine O'Hara is here tonight the wonderful that's a beautiful dress clapping I'm allowed to say that but a Catherine is an actress of extraordinary range for many characters on SCTV of course to her work in best-in-show and home alone and perhaps her most remarkable performance to date as a title character in the book of Negroes I lost a dollar it's been a busy weekend getting here we we lost an hour as you know daylight savings time went to affect last night hey I give it six months hello ladies I'd like to take a brief moment as all moments are ice-pops to thank my writers you know the writers are so specialized these days there's a joke writer he gives you jokes there's a gag writer he gives you gags there's a head writer he gives you what I'm saying is things are very diverse we're specialized well we're gonna start the show but you know I was if it hasn't started yet you didn't know I saw wild look of alarm cross your eyes but I was backstage yesterday and I was we're doing rehearsals I asked what is the statuette called and they said it's called the Canadian Screen Award and I said well it seems kind of dull like what that's the name of the award and they said well we've been banding around different names and what none of you know they said in Canada takes a long time to get stuff done and stuff the one of them that they said one of them they mention was the candy and I think John Candy I mean who doesn't love John Candy you so of course of course the statuette should be called the candy so what I'm asking you to do is if you are a presenter ignore the teleprompter and say the candy goes to and if you are lucky enough to win one go I would like one a candy wait look at that can you go along with that excellent that would make us a better nation I am NOT here to upbraid however I think I made it quite clear that these awards should be referred to as the candies a nine year old child knew are you so burdened this preposterous technology so I would like not to see that again you're not backstage I was thinking how different things are since I moved to the United States you know now I'm in the United States one thing I've noticed about films I don't like foreign films anymore you know there are like artsy of the Canada and that my cup of tea but when I grew up in Ottawa by god I loved foreign films you know Star Wars Smokey and the Bandit remember that one here to present our next award the candy and this will be the end of my upgrading I hope is it accomplished hey before we go any further having a half of the band yeah good job dad George st. Kitts and the Candyman who could take a sunrise hi guys sprinkle in what they can't whatever well our next presenters are political people and it made me think because I was just told Cape Breton Island I know if you know this but they are offering sanctuary to anyone that lives in in America after Trump is elected president by a landslide and I agree with this in principle the white Cape Breton Island everything I can I just fleet it try not to leave the planet all right has got a baffin island while I'm at it all right now welcome to stage two Canadian Oh the candies are going great so far aren't they I would like to say to to Eugene Levy that there's no reason to be ashamed of your son my son only this morning punched me in the chest really hard listen I have some good news I just found out that all of you here tonight will be getting a swag bag just like the Oscars I haven't seen one yet but why don't we take a look and see what you're getting I'm going to call Meagan our golden girl out Meagan our golden girl hi Meghan come on out here ah you brought the the swag bag yes can you hold it open and then I will I'll take things out of the swag bag what do we have here a loose pancake what else you got here beggin we got oh oh this is this looks cool it's a CD you know they are of Nelly Furtado singing all the national anthems torn from today's headlines see what else we have but we have this ah yes this this is a bottle of Oda John cherry Cologne it's for the gentlemen of the audience now what else do we have hopefully something a little funnier in the husband here we have a 30 minute massage from producer Robert Lantos don't try to go for 50 you only can hit 30 now what else you have here whoa a curling ass stone you know these are beta I always took them for granted last time I take a joke for Martin Short all right Megan just do some housecleaning here having a hand for Megan our golden world natural mistake now please welcome wonderful I apologize for running out earlier I don't have anybody saw that but you know these things happen in live TV and reminds me actually of a maxim that the Christopher Plummer told me many years ago he said before a live award ceremony do not eat a fistful of LSD take that with human I'm sorry Jacob how's Jacob doing hey Jacob congratulations buddy this must be like deja vu for you being stuck in a room for so long like this all right folks please listen guys person cuz I'm raisin I've been told her stretch oh I've never tried that before huh the show's over folks good night before the first candies respect kiss you

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