New Oscar category | Ryan Hansen

– [Director] And, action! (dvd clattering to ground) (laughing) – DVD down! (clapboard claps shut) (screaming) – No, nothing. – Seriously? – No, I could barely
even feel your overly-manicured lady-fingers
on my rough man-paws. Your baby-fingers
on my man-hands. Your hands are so soft I
could barely even feel those. Yeah, yeah, so talk! – You talk! – You talk! – Talk! – Talk. – Talk. Talk! – Sir Talks-a-lot. – Captain Kirk and Mr. Talk! – Tick tick tock
and you don't talk! – You can't walk the walk
then you better talk the talk! – [Director] Need more talk! – Talk! – Talk! – Talk! – Talk! – That was four! (laughing) Ha ha! (claps hands) Have a great weekend. – You too! – LAPD Red, good
luck with that name. Might as well just
call it LAPD Premium. – I know the initials
mean, believe me, okay. I'm up on all the initials. – Close personal friend. – Yeah, don't school
me on acronyms, okay? I've gotten more on acronyms
than you'll ever know. I have two little girls, please. – What about the new
category for being popular? Why wouldn't they nominate
Bumblebee for that? – Please, they're
never gonna give Michael Bay that
kind of respect. – Oh my god, you talkin'
about Michael Bay? – Pain and Gain was
awesome, though, thank you, thank you very much. – Say Ryan Hansen one more time, and I will curb-stop you on
Ricardo Montalbán's star. And I will drag you outta
here by your mouth parts. And I will drag you
out of the frolic room and I will turn you
into a world star meme. Do we understand
each other, huh? And murder you on the
star of Hervé Villechaize, adjacent to the magnificent
Pantages Theater, where A Bronx Tale
is about to let out, by Chazz Palminteri, yeah. (laughing) – Partner? – Ow! Why would you do that? – Well, I got confused. – Don't ever do that again. These are off-limits for
you, unless I tell you they're not off-limits,
and that day may come. But right now, stop sign. Unless I lift the ban, okay? And you'll know. – I am the captain now! – Are you doing a Captain
Phillips reference? – Yeah. – Of all the boat and
sea and ocean movies of all time, you chose that one. – Captain Phillips, yes. – Over "Hooper drives
the boat, chief," Jaws. – Okay, I didn't know that one. – You didn't know that one? – I know "We're gonna
need a bigger boat." Robert Corddry is
pissed because I won Season 2 of "Burning Love." – He thinks the show's real. (laughing) (slaps face) – No one can resist this
guy, Cord. (slaps face) (laughing) (slaps face) (laughing) (slaps face) (laughing) (slaps face) – Whoa.
– Hey, but this is a bar- – Hey, I thought you- – Fuck, sorry, that's right.
– Do you wanna slap me again? (laughing) (upbeat music)


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