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Kate McKinnon & Kumail Nanjiani Opening Monologue at the 2016 Film Independent Spirit Awards



this is lovely this is wonderful oh my goodness thank you so much welcome for having us here welcome welcome to the film Independent Spirit Awards the Spirit Awards honor the year's best movies you've been meaning to see but it's okay if you haven't seen them because independent filmmaking isn't about making a profit it's not about breaking even it's about definitely losing money now I know we're not your typical award show host you look at your typical award show host and you go I know who that is instead you have ended up with us a gay woman and a Pakistani man or as Hollywood thinks of us a straight woman and her IT guy tonight we're gonna do everything you can't do with the Oscars baby we're gonna cuss we're gonna flash the NIP we're gonna nominate some people who are tonight's nominees are more diverse than the cover of a brochure for a liberal arts college while the Oscar nominees are as diverse at the actual student body of a liberal arts college there have been some changes to the show since last year for example there's them there's a new award for best onset catering in an independent film the winner and sole nominee is hummus and baby carrots Congrats they're very good there are so many talented people here representing so many amazing films from nominees like beasts of no nation to room to room to spotlight this year's nominees cover a wide variety of difficult subjects ranging from child abuse to even worse child abuse spotlight spotlight nominated for five awards including best feature also probably the best movie about a church sex abuse scandal that also sounds like a Broadway musical spotlight Congrats are in the spotlight speaking of the movie spotlight is something the Catholic Church will never do that movie made the church look so bad they tried to transfer it to another parish beasts of no nation also nominated for five awards Netflix's first original movie Netflix the company that says if you like beats of no nation you may also like fuller house if you haven't seen it beasts of no nation is a story about children in Africa who would trade everything to have a life as good as the kid in room I know it seems like we're really overdoing it on the child abuse material now you know how we felt watching your movies so many big stars here tonight this is this is amazing it's very exciting the star of animal ISA is here where's he oh wow got some worker I think he's something's changed and looks like Gary – yeah it's good it's subtle subtle address Elba is nominated tonight I truly just got lost in his eyes for a second that's not on script I just looked over and there were whirlpools and I'm trying to climb out yes goodness gracious let it be friends there was a rumor last year that he was going to be the next James Bond you know what I just don't see it a black James Bond what's next a female Ghostbuster up this I didn't get that I know I didn't want Joe Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara are here for Carol well Carroll is probably the most compelling story about someone leaving their gloves behind since the People vs OJ Simpson Sean Penn is here but I think it's only because he saw these tents and figured there was some refugees he could help Sean I am NOT a refugee I'm doing okay don't need rations thank you we got David Robert Mitchell in the house nominated for Best Director for it follows thank you for making that movie that scares the bejesus out of me after watching it follows I couldn't have sex with strangers for days longest days of my life a pigeon sat on the branch reflecting on existence is nominated for Best International Film while its title is nominated for worse editing tangerine is nominated for Best Feature everything it is everyone's talking about how cianjur een was shot entirely on an iPhone 5s amazing and yet nobody is talking about how the entourage movie was written by a 2004 Motorola flip phone and directed by can of monster energy drink amazing talk about that given their do a lot of you are nominated for Oscars tomorrow um I can't say which is more important what I do know you will never hear a movie trailer say starring Spirit Award nominee brie Larson and that's just fine with us cuz we're not the Oscars for the darn Independent Spirit Awards and sure we might not be the most famous or the best-looking or the most successful okay

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