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How To Deal With Potty Talk

We got to talk about how to deal with
potty talk. -Vicki, you’re specialist with talk but I don’t know if your specialist with
the potty talk. -Although I’ve heard plenty of it. -You know what? What is it with kids
and potty talk? -You know, it’s so common for them to talk about potty talk
because that’s the stage of development they’re in. That’s the thing that they
actually have one kind of control over is the potty issues. -They do a lot of
potty talk. And the other thing with potty talk is they get a reaction. Because
their brother to laugh, they get their mom to get snicker or they get in
trouble for it. Which is also reinforcing. -Whether it’s a
taboo or they get a laugh out of it. Either way, it’s a powerful experience.
-That’s a payoff as a child. -I’m glad you mentioned that. Because developmentally,
as they go through stages of development, certain things become really, really
important to them. And especially during like those potty training years. There’s
a lot of talk about it. It’s a big… -Huge celebrations when you
finally get it figured out. So, that’s something that they can be proud of or
whatever. So, it’s been made a big deal in their life. So, no wonder it becomes an
issue. It’s not necessarily something that we want to continue to reinforce. So,
we’ve come up with a little acronym for you,
alright? We’re going to can the potty talk. -Alright. Can. C-A-N. Because it’s a
laugh-a-minute, isn’t it? -Definitely. C-A-N. Now, the C obviously stands for
consequences. When we learn about the moral development of children… -Right. -They
do things for very specific reasons and consequences are a really important part
of their moral development. So, especially in those formative earlier years, you
have to have some kind of an effective consequence. -And a lot of times that’s the
thing that motivates them is consequences. Actually that’s why they’re
using the potty talk but it’s also the way to kind
extinguish it. It’s both. -Good point. Because consequences are not necessarily
unpleasant or negative. -No. -Laughing at their little potty jokes…
-Positive consequence for them. -Yeah. And it reinforces and gives
them a reason to continue doing it. So, you’re going to use consequences. Now,
what consequences can we use? When we’re talking about consequences, some are
going to work better than others. And I’ve worked with a lot of parents who
said, “Well, I put her in timeout and she still kept doing it. Or I gave her a
little spanking or shaming…” -And it’s pretty common to try pretty much everything you
can think of when it’s not going away very well. So… -I was looking for some
ideas. And I stumbled across a blog. Sarah from sunshine whispers blog was
actually addressing this very issue. And she found something that worked really
well. -Okay. -Was there her little sweetie who was throwing out some potty language.
She said to her daughter… And I think she just came up with this on the spur of
the moment but it was very effective. In fact, let me read it to you. Here’s what
she said to her daughter: -Okay. -Sweet things can’t go in mouths that dirty
things come out of.” Okay? That’s pretty brilliant. If you say one more potty word
at all, you will not get to eat a single piece of candy today. Wow! Sarah, you’re
brilliant. -I love it because instead of necessarily punishing the thing you
don’t want to see, you’re actually reinforcing what you do want to see.
-Right. Now, she came up with this on a spur of the moment. It worked because
here’s… Here’s what’s powerful about that: It gave her daughter a choice. “Look,
you can continue to say the potty talk but you won’t get any candy.” They
happened to be on their way somewhere where there was going to be candy. And
her daughter was really anticipating that candy. “Sweet things don’t go in
mouths that dirty things come out of.” I love that. And then she just had to weigh
it out. Is it worth it to me or not? That’s a good example of a
consequence. -So, be creative in your consequences. Now, A in the word can
stands for Attitude. Meaning your attitude. -Remember you can only
affect or change your own attitude. You don’t really have control over your
child’s attitude. So, let’s talk about what you can do for your own attitude
with them. For one thing, let’s take away some of the taboos around talking about
body functions or body parts. -Yeah. And that’s that’s really important.
We need to make kind of… Make an open way for the children to be able to talk to
you about whatever they need to. -Right. -And so, you’ve got to get over some of
your own insecurities and uncomfortableness about talking about
the body of child. -This creates a culture within your home where it’s just
matter of fact. It’s things that we talk about. Now, having said that we don’t
control what happens out there on the playground or in the neighborhood or
with their little friends because they might use the appropriate words you’ve
been teaching them at home and their friend busts up laughing or gets a red
face over. We can’t control all of that. But let’s just make sure that our
own attitudes about these things are supportive of what we’re trying to do
with our kids. Vicki, since we’re talking about establishing an attitude and
teaching our children, you know one of our top performing videos on this
channel is teaching children respect in 10 minutes or less you can click to it
right up there. I think right after this video, if you to watch that, you’re going
to get some other ideas to establish that attitude and that culture. What about
the N in can? -This one is maybe the hardest one of all. Never ever
laugh. -Don’t! Don’t you crack a smile. When she calls her brother a poopyhead, don’t
even crack a smile. -If you have to turn… And I know every parent has done this. You turn
away, don’t laugh. -Just swallow it. And turn wait. Don’t catch your husband’s eye
because you’ll laugh. -This is part of what perpetuates. Now, we
put this in fun, okay? Because we know that you’re probably going to have a hard
time with this. But just to reiterate the fact that this is why they’re doing it.
-Yeah. -They get a reaction that their budding young comedians and they just
love to get the laugh. -Yep. -Hey, let us know how it’s going with the whole potty
talk battle. Make some comments down below. Let’s engage with this community
here a positive parents. And there are other videos. We’ve probably got a hundred or
more now in the positive parenting playlist. It should go spend some time
there as well.

  • Thought potty talk meant saying bad words like the F Word?! I love when your wife comes on the videos and offers her input. Would love to see your kids and grandkids too,sort of a healthy family dynamic example:):)

  • I’m sorry but potty talk is FUNNY! The more butt and fart jokes the better! I’d rather have them doing that than talking back. 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • Thank you for the great videos I have a question
    My toddler is one year and nine month when he is playing with a toy in a children play group, and some kid take his toy he seemed stressed and did not know what to do, I see some kids fight or shout but he is not, he is a very nice helpful and intelligent boy, he learn too fast, he can defin between bad and good doing .
    I try to teach him taking turns, playing with other and defending himself by saying your hand for yourself, i spend a lot of time playing with him and teaching him like homeschooling, and sometimes i think because i spent too much time with him he depends on me too much and cannot figure out what to do. I am really worried
    Thank you

  • My question is, I have a little guy (6 yr), he is potty trained but he keeps holding himself like he has to go, he gets mad when we ask him if he has to go, we have tried to distract him by doing other things, but so far it hasn’t worked (only temporarily). Is it normal for little boys to do this? Is it something that they will grow out of? Thanks, I love watching your videos and listening to your advice.

  • Are there going to be more videos for teenagers/young adults? I could really use some help, especially when it comes to my relationship with parents and the rest of the family.

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