Articles, Blog

Film Theory: You’ll DIE Before This Bee Movie Meme!


It’s Film Theory, but every time MatPat makes a cringey joke it gets faster. Just like the Bee Movie memes which are 2017’s most un-bee-livable trend. (speed-up) But for me, no trend is too strange, no Internet trend too dumb. When it comes to exploring the dankest of memes, you might say, We Are Number One. *Music* (speed-up) Today, we’re looking at a meme that’s gonna require a lot of math, more than just a little dabble-do ya. *Super sped up* now billion and octillion sound like impossibly large numbers *Super sped up* but trust me if you started playing this video the moment the big bang occurred straight through to to today now billion might sound impos- now billion and octillion might sound like impossibly large numbers but trust me, but trust me
octillions are way bigger, if you
started playing- if you started playing thi- *Super sped up* But that’s just a theory! A FILM THEORY! And… *Theme song* Hello, Internet! Welcome to Film Theory! Where, let’s face it, it’s early in the year and all the most theorizable new movies aren’t coming out for a couple of months. And sure, while I’m just as excited for Fifty Shades Darker as the next guy, the most exciting things to be talking about these days are Internet trends. But not just any Internet trends, Internet trends about movies. Internet trends about really bad movies where Jerry Seinfield is a bee trying to get it on with a human. Vanessa: Are you coming? ;)))))) Barry: Got everything? Yes, my friends, today is a A+ theory about the Bee Movie. Or rather, a theory on the ultimate meme that took Youtube by storm over the last couple of months. Now I know you’ve seen it because of the weird ways Youtube forces you to watch stuff like this. The entire movie without the bees. Or when they say bee, the video speeds up. But then it started to go off the rails. As the metaness of this started to spiral in on itself, more memes got looped in. Kind of like a Sharknado. It just became a parody of itself. Suddenly, we started to see things like, and mind you this is an actual video on Youtube, that was actually edited together by someone. The Bee Movie trailer, but every time they say “bee,” it’s We Are Number One, but every time it says “One,” it’s the Legend27 commercial, but for every third TheLegend27 commercial, its bass is boosted beyond comprehension, but the second to last “one” in every We Are Number One is replaced by Brendaniel reading the entire Bee Movie script. Also, the fourth We Are Number One is the dank edition. And you would think. You would think this is all just for the LOL’s. But no, this is an actual 8 hour, 47 minute movie where the channel Dr. Scrubbington edited together exactly that – based on those rules. Bee Movie, We Are Number One, TheLegend27, all-in-one. We’ve got a BINGO! We’ve got a B-BINGO over here. BINGO! The only thing it’s missing is bottle-flipping, a dab, and Harambe. (And Doctor Part 3 COME ON Matpat) So, of course. Leave it to the good readers of dank memes and reddit to take this already absurd trend and blow it absolutely out of proportion. In an effort to take this to the absolute max, they created the ultimate Bee Movie mod, and I quote: “One: The entire Ice Age pentology but every syllable is replace with the entire Toy Story trilogy… but Two: every second that the color green is in frame it is replaced with every video ever uploaded on Youtube… but Three: every 10 seconds every episode of the simpsons plays… but Four: every word with a vowel is replaced with the Bee Movie… but Five: every time a bee is shown it is replaced with every episode of SpongeBob played backwards.” Stupid?! Of course it is. Funny? Well I thought so. But what really got me was that in the picture they have this huge number for the runtime in there for comedic effect. And after I gave this post one enormously sarcastic eye roll, It got me thinking: how long would this video actually be? It seems like an impossible question. I mean, look at some of the things you have to solve for. But “impossible” is my middle name. Matthew Robert Danger Impossible Patrick. And sure, there are some answers in these reddit threads, but um… I did that math, and they are completely wrong. (SHOTS FIRED!!!!) So just like a Lannister always pays his debts, so does a theorist always show his work. And today is dedicated to determining the length of the longest, memeist video ever conceived Sharpen those #2 pencils for some of the dankest math you’ve ever seen. So right now, you might be reacting like this guy: “Algorithms!” “Math!” But here’s the good news: although this sounds really complicated, the math we can use to solve it all isn’t hard. It’s just a bunch of multiplication. Since we’re just replacing something from one show or movie with something else, if we can calculate the number of times each replacement action happens, we can use good ol’ multiplication to go from the inside out. Parentheses within parenthesis within parenthesis. Parentheses, for when math gets META. So as long as we’re keeping track of our units, we should be fine. The bad news though is that we’re going to be getting into the territory of really scarily large numbers. But hey, you can put a lot of big numbers into the TI 83 Silver edition, of course, so we should be fine. Growing up we didn’t have enough money to buy the Silver edition calculator, and I was always really jealous of anyone who had it. Talk about your #FirstWorldProblems. Hey, but real talk, that would come preloaded with games, which was pretty sweeeeet! Now starting at the end of the prompt and working our way backwards makes the most sense because it has the simplest parameters. So first we turn to the overlord of memedom himself: (Shrek, no wait) Spongebob Squarepants. The original meme stipulates that the episodes of Spongebob be played backwards, but as long as we’re playing them at a standard speed, it’s not going to change how long they are, so its an easy number to find. At the time of this recording, we’ve been asked about the resident of a “pineapple under the sea” 205 times in all. Take out all the commercial breaks, and each episode and each episode is going to clock in at about 22 minutes, or 1,320 seconds. (This is just a captionist’s rant so pay no attention. But MatPat is forgetting that not all Spongebob episodes are a half hour-shows, some are an hour like Truth or Square) The total time for the whole series then figures out to be 270,600 seconds, meaning that if you can give up sleep, work, school, and the toilet, you can actually catch up with the entirety of Spongebob’s misadventures in a little over 3 days straight. Spoiler Alert!!! You still won’t know the Crabby Patty secret formula, but you might just get a chuckle out of the fact that Mr. Krabs lives in a place called Bikini Bottom. Get it? Crabs, bikini bottom – edgy. -_- “The smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells. The smelly.” (Spoiler Alert: The smell is anchovies) And sure. Only 3 days might sound like we’re getting off to a slow start, but remember, that’s three solid days of SpongeBob for every single instance of the other rules. So are you ready for more math? “I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.” “MATH!” I figured you might be. Let’s continue. The next layer out is the Bee Movie rule. We play those Spongebob Squarepants rules every time we see a bee in the Bee Movie. Now in a shocking development, there are actually a lot of bees in the Bee Movie, (-_-) but here’s where we have to start interpreting the meme a little bit. What does it mean by “every time we see a bee”? One run-through of Spongebob for every bee in every frame? That seems a bit like overkill. Instead, I opted for a slightly more conservative approach: Every second a bee was in the frame throughout the movie. The runtime of the Bee Movie, if you cut out all the credits and the DreamWorks stuff at the beginning is 82 minutes and 4 seconds. Bee Movie without the bees, on the other hand, is a poultry 12 minutes and 28 seconds meaning there are 69 minutes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) and 36 seconds worth of pervy bees looking to have an interspecies romance. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) “I meant, thank you so much again, for before.” “Oh, that? Oh, that was nothing.” “Well not nothing, but, but anyway.” Ah! 69 minutes. I see what you did there completely by coincidence, Bee Movie. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I mean, what’s the deal with bees trying to get it on with human women? Who thought that would be a good idea at the box office? Am I right, Jerry Seinfeld? The guy who called YouTube the garbage can of content. It’s thanks to us that anyone cares about that stupid movie of yours. Go have more coffee with with comedians and cars. Anyway, that puts us at 7136 seconds, or 7136 times we’re going to have to play all those Spongebob episodes all the way through. Well, actually, it’s 7136 runs of every Spongebob episode for every one of our next rules: Every single episode of the Simpsons, but every word spoken that contains a vowel being replaced with the Bee Movie, which is yatta, yatta, yatta. That’s another Seinfeld thing. You get the point by now. The Simpsons is currently in the midst of its 28th season, and has aired 609 different episodes. So how many cromulent words have been in each episode of the Simpsons? Well, we studied the transcripts of a few different Simpsons episodes, including ones with wordless montages like Last Exit to Springfield, as well as those with a lot of dialogue, like Homie the Clown. The average number of words per Simpsons script was about 2145. And because most words have a vowel in there somewhere we just assumed that it was 100%. So, 2145 time 609 episodes means 1.3 million words over the course of those 609 episodes. In other words, that’s 1.3 million times we have to repeat all the previous conditions. “You have a cow.” And now we get to the big one. The runtime of all the videos ever uploaded to Youtube. You’d think as someone who’s lived and breathed YouTube for years now that I’d have the inside track on this one, but uh… no. This one I actually have to calculate out. YouTube keeps a lot of stats close to its chest. But using previously talked-about statistics can give us a pretty darn good estimate. Projections from late 2015 claimed that YouTube had 500 hours of video uploaded every minute. Which would likely be even higher now with YouTube’s continued growth. So if you take previous announcements from YouTube on its yearly upload rates, with my personal favorite being 2012’s YouTube April Fool’s video, which stated “an hour of video is uploaded to YouTube every second…” Wow, an hour a second? Oh my god, it’s nearly 10 times that 5 years later. That is insane! And most of those minutes are Bee Movie memes or thousand degree knife videos. Ooh, what’s it gonna cut through this time? Oh, I bet it cuts through the shoe. Yeah, it cut through the shoe. Ooh, I bet it cuts through the ice. Wow! A hot knife melted ice. -_- Speaking of thousand degree knife videos, it’s like the only trend that’s not being covered in this video. Get with it thousand degree knife videos. Become meme-ish. (1000° Knife vs Film Theory) Anyway, by using this graph and similar ones that list off average bulk time of video uploaded to YouTube ever hour broken down by the year, you get you get over 630 million hours of video that have ever been uploaded to YouTube. And since we’re measuring it in seconds, well, yeah you should probably stop thinking about raw numbers at this point and instead think about Keyboard Cat. One of the greatest talents to ever appear on this site over those 630 million plus hours. Next step: to Toy Story and beyond. The three Toy Story movies have a total runtime of 4 hours 36 minutes and 40 scenes that kick you right in the feels. So that’s a total runtime of 16,561 seconds. Now, the rule here is that for every one of those seconds in which the color green is visible in the frame, this supersized meme repeats all the previously mentioned steps. And its here that I have to make a bit of a confession. Forgive me, Internet, for I have sinned. I didn’t study every 397,464 frames of all three Toy Story movies. Because honestly, that’s what it would take with 24 frames per second and 16,561 seconds of movie it’s nearly 400,000 thousand frames to explore. It just can’t be done. But what I did do was take selected clips from each of the three movies, slow them down, and determine what percentage of time green was visible. It averaged out to be a staggering 84.6% of the time. And it makes a lot of sense when you think about it. Buzz has green on him. Rex is green. The army men are green. The aliens are green. The furniture’s green. The outdoor scenes with trees and grass are green. Sid’s eyes are green. There is a lot of green in these movies, especially for Pixar. Am I right? Cha-ching! But seriously, that’s why they’re creating a fourth Toy Story movie, right? Shameless cash grab? “I like money.” Anywho, I digress. 16,561 seconds times 84.6% of seconds with green in them rounds out to 14,011 seconds in which the color green is in frame throughout the Toy Story trilogy. Ooohhh, we are almost there, guys. And last, but certainly not least, we have the Ice Age movies. Every thing we’ve calculated so far is repeated for every single syllable in all five… Wait, five? There have been five Ice Age movies? 0_0 Man! I missed a couple of those. Alright, so every syllable in each Ice Age movie forces us to everything we’ve calculated so far. When I first started working on this episode, I thought for sure this would be the hardest one to calculate, but I was surprisingly able to get a pretty exact calculation by taking the transcripts, spoken dialogue only, for each of the five movies, cutting it into manageable pieces, and then running it through an automated syllable counter. Granted, the syllable counter couldn’t recognize a few words, like Scrat, but it did give us the otherwise reasonable count of 34,085 syllables across the five movies. Ooohhh, and with that, it’s time to recap. We have the 270,600 seconds of Spongebob footage repeated 7136 times for every second of visible bees in Bee Movie, which is shown once for every one of the 1,306,105 words spoken with the vowel of the Simpson’s canon… *gasps for breath* “Ay caramba!” … which is then repeated every 10 seconds of the 630,720,000 hours of video that have every been uploaded to YouTube, which rolls 14,011 times due to the green seconds in Toy Story 1, 2, and 3, which all plays once for every single one of the 34,085 syllables of the Ice Age pentology. Make sure you’ve converted it all to seconds, multiplied it all the way through, then convert it to years, and we get the drum roll worthy number of *Weak drum taps* I said, the drum roll worthy number of *More weak drum taps* God, seriously. Where’s the drum roll? *Indistinct voice* What? Are you kidding me? Can we at least get like a dramatic horn blow or something? What? Are you, are you.. fine, fine. If that’s the best we can do, fine. The dramatic, slide-whistle-worthy number of… *Slide whistle noises* Ahem. 8 octillion, 672 septillion, 127 sextillion, 482 quintillion years! Or just about 8 and a half octillion years if you round down. Now if you’re like me, you hear a number like that, and you’re like “what the heck does that mean?” And yeah, when you’re talking about numbers this huge, it gets really hard to wrap your head around. So let’s look at this giant number from a couple different angles. First, it’s worth noting that Earth, as a planet, has has been around for a little bit more than 4 and a half billion years. And the whole universe? About 13.7 billion years. Now billion and octillion might both sound like impossibly large numbers, but trust me. Octillions are WAY bigger. If you started playing this video the moment the Big Bang occurred, straight through today, you would be less than 1% of the way through the YouTube videos, which would mean you’re on the first second of Toy Story, and the first spoken syllable of Ice Age. Remember that there are thirty-four thousand syllables of Ice Age to get through. And it took us from the Big Bang to now, and we’re still only on the first one. Scientists estimate that the sun will explode in the next 4 to 5 billion years, taking Earth with it. So by the time the planet Earth ceases to exist, this video would still be going on. This is also around the time the universe is supposed to die via heat death so time and space will come to an end, but bad movie memes will outlive us all. So how do you illustrate a length of time that’s truly longer than the lifespan of the universe? What is the best way to convey to you how long this video is? Let me put it this way: Let’s say we set up race where one person sets out out to watch this video from start to finish. And another person puts all of Earth’s water into one giant eye dropper, and then tries to refill all those bodies of water one drop, or one milliliter at a time. The person with the giant eye dropper would still win if they only put in one drop, one milliliter of water, every five thousand years. Ever tried to fill an ocean with an eye dropper, one drop every five thousand years? It is gonna take a while. And don’t even get me started on how long that damn video would take to buffer. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But hey… That’s just a theory. A Film Theory. And… cut.( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

100
Comments
  • Every episode of Film Theory but every time the word Disney is spoken it's replaced by every episode of Game Theory, but every time a Fnaf character is on screen it's replaced with We Are Number One, but every note played on the saxophone is replaced with MatPat reading all the comments for this video (including this one) but every time a word contains the letter F it's replaced with the Bee Movie, but every time they say the word Bee it's replaced with every fnaf music video at 0.25 speed but every second Bonnie is in the frame, it's replaced with every vine uploaded on Tick Tock, but every music video is replaced with every episode of Phineas and Ferb. Also, every DHMIS theory starts with every time MatPat screams in all film and game theory videos, and every time the scream is over 3 seconds long it's replaced with every time Stephanie uses her Nugget voice, but every time she says "the" it's replaced with every uncut episode of GT live played backwards, but every time the video is on a Fnaf fangame, it starts with this video, but for every 0 included in a number, it's replaced with the entirety of the Monty Python movies, but every time it's cringy it's replaced with every disney movie at 2x speed, but every second the characters are singing, it's replaced with The Shining, but every time someone dies it's replaced with every Random Encounters music video, but every time it's on a game MatPat has covered in Game Theory or starts with the letter H, V, or O, it's replaced with the entirety of the Pokemon games, but every time a pokemon faints, it's replaced with every episode of Film Theory, but every time the word Disney is spoken it's replaced by every episode of Game Theory, but every time a Fnaf character is on screen it's replaced with We Are Number One, but every note played on the saxophone is replaced with MatPat reading all the comments for this video (including this one) but every time a word contains the letter F it's replaced with the Bee Movie, but every time they say the word Bee it's replaced with every fnaf music video at 0.25 speed but every second Bonnie is in the frame, it's replaced with every vine uploaded on Tick Tock, but every music video is replaced with every episode of Phineas and Ferb. Also, every DHMIS theory starts with every time MatPat screams in all film and game theory videos, and every time the scream is over 3 seconds long it's replaced with every time Stephanie uses her Nugget voice, but every time she says "the" it's replaced with every uncut episode of GT live played backwards, but every time the video is on a Fnaf fangame, it starts with this video, but for every 0 included in a number, it's replaced with the entirety of the Monty Python movies, but every time it's cringy it's replaced with every disney movie at 2x speed, but every second the characters are singing, it's replaced with The Shining, but every time someone dies it's replaced with every Random Encounters music video, but every time it's on a game MatPat has covered in Game Theory or starts with the letter H, V, or O, it's replaced with the entirety of the Pokemon games, but every time a pokemon faints, it's replaced with every episode of Film Theory, but every time the word Disney is spoken it's replaced by every episode of Game Theory, but every time a Fnaf character is on screen it's replaced with We Are Number One, but every note played on the saxophone is replaced with MatPat reading all the comments for this video (including this one) but every time a word contains the letter F it's replaced with the Bee Movie, but every time they say the word Bee it's replaced with every fnaf music video at 0.25 speed but every second Bonnie is in the frame, it's replaced with every vine uploaded on Tick Tock, but every music video is replaced with every episode of Phineas and Ferb. Also, every DHMIS theory starts with every time MatPat screams in all film and game theory videos, and every time the scream is over 3 seconds long it's replaced with every time Stephanie uses her Nugget voice, but every time she says "the" it's replaced with every uncut episode of GT live played backwards, but every time the video is on a Fnaf fangame, it starts with this video, but for every 0 included in a number, it's replaced with the entirety of the Monty Python movies, but every time it's cringy it's replaced with every disney movie at 2x speed, but every second the characters are singing, it's replaced with The Shining, but every time someone dies it's replaced with every Random Encounters music video, but every time it's on a game MatPat has covered in Game Theory or starts with the letter H, V, or O, it's replaced with the entirety of the Pokemon games, but every time a pokemon faints, it's replaced with every episode of Film Theory, and you get it…

  • Yo MatPat can you make a theory of mike from the total drama series's split pesonality syndrome? (Please do)

  • 1. They meant for every bee on the screen at a time. Like the toy story green rule
    2. Not all Spongebob episodes are 22 minutes. Some are full hour like truth or square or It's a Spongebob Christmas.

  • well you're kinda wrong there? sure heat death happens before but, Black Hole disintegraton by Hawking Radiation will outlive it by far far far far more time. Around a googol years, meaning
    1 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 000 0000
    years or so

  • So now there is over 8 octillion years in one video which that there's over 8 octillion years of video content on YouTube

    QUICK MATH

  • …if you’re just straight multiplying, wouldn’t that just be the time spongebob plays? You didn’t add in the seconds from the other parts

  • Wait why didn’t he just yanno WATCH THE VIDEO? He could have tried to find it and watch it. Not hating or anything but he could have just put a timer on and watched the entire video. Or he could have just watched about halfway then double that to get the total watchtime of the video!

  • This is incorrect
    Well 8 octilion is a longtime it is still a blink of an eye when compared to the universe
    The predicted age of the universe is just under a google years (1 followed by 100 zeros)
    Which is so much greater then the duration of the vid

  • I do not care about this meme surpassing my life,
    for I already know that the answer is not accurate by reading the captions.

  • Well done MatPat. I’ve got something that will dwarf this meme. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you the ultimate meme to end all memes:

    The Entire Ice Age penology but every syllable is replaced with the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies but every second the color yellow appears in the frame it plays the entire Star Wars saga but every time someone fires a blaster every single video ever uploaded to YouTube plays but every five seconds it plays every single episode of Lazy Town but whenever the color blue appears it plays every Happy Tree Friends death but every time the color brown is seen in the frame it plays every single Super Bowl game but whenever someone throws the football it plays all 4 Toy Story movies but every time the color green is seen in the frame every episode of the Simpsons plays but every time a word with a vowel is said it plays the Bee Movie but for every second a bee is onscreen it plays every Land Before Time Movie but every second the color black is seen it plays every episode of Spongebob Squarepants backwards.

    Do the math if you can.

  • I love watching Matpat doing hard math like this because I watch while doing my maths home work and his determination to finish all this complex math makes me work harder for my homework!

  • I hate Barry B Benson. Imagine if your wife fucking left you for a goddamn bee. Like jesus christ they only live for 30 full days that's not even enough time to develop a good relationship. If you ask me my man Ken dodged a bullet right there. That fucking bee even got his wife involved in a court case, the fucking manipulative psychopath. And for what even, fucking honey?? Its a healthy nutritious product and the bees don't even get hurt when they collect it. In fact they get a free fucking hive in a protected area for fuck sake . And besides after they ban honey collection what do you think will happen to those bees in the hives huh? That's right the fucking honeybee holocaust. Do they think the beekeepers will just keep those little fuckers for fun?? Hell no they'll get exterminated at speeds unbeknownst to man. That will then cause all the other fucking plants to die because you know pollens and shit and then that's it for us too. The end of the world as we know it. All because some horny bitch wanted some fancy jazz listening bee dick. I say fuck her man, i hope Ken is doing well for himself that man deserves it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *