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Exclusive Preview: Adult Entertainment For The Blind


ANYBODY HERE WATCH PORNOGRAPHY? ANYBODY? ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
NOT ME, BUT GOOD FOR YOU FOR BEING HONEST. IT TURNS OUT THE HACKING GROUP
ANONYMOUS HAS HACKED ISIS’ TWITTER ACCOUNTS
AND FILLED IT WITH GAY PORN. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
IN A RELATED STORY, MY WEB BROWSER WAS ALSO HACKED PIE
ANONYMOUS. I JUST WANT TO GET THAT OUT
THERE. I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WITH
THE HISTORY THIS, BUT I’VE BEEN BOOT SHOPPING. ALSO THIS WEEK, ONE OF THE
BIGGEST ADULT ENTERTAINMENT SITES ON THE INTERNET– IT’S GOT
A LOT OF PORN. IT’S GOT EYE CAN’T SAY THE NAME. I CAN’T SAY THE NAME, BECAUSE,
YOU KNOW, YOU CAN’T SAY THE NAME. LET’S JUST SAY IT HAS SO MUCH
PORN OF DIFFERENT KINDS, IT’S LIKE A CENTRAL HUB WHERE YOU CAN
GO FIND– FIND PORN. WELL, THIS SITE, THEY ANNOUNCED
THAT THEY’RE REACHING OUT TO A NEW DEMOGRAPHIC LAUNCHING
EXPLICIT AUDIO FOR THE VISUALLY IMPAIRED IN WHICH PROFESSIONAL
VOICE ACTORS EXPLAIN WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE SCENE. YES, YES. GOOD FOR THEM. THEY’RE MAKING PORN FOR THE
BLIND. WHICH IS GOOD, BECAUSE IF YOU
USE PORN LONG ENOUGH, YOU WILL EVENTUALLY NEED THESE SERVICES. ( APPLAUSE )
GOOD FOR YOU! GOOD FOR YOU. HOW’S YOUR EYESIGHT, JON.>>Jon: OH, MAN, I’M GOOD,
20/20.>>Stephen: I, ON THE OTHER
HAND, WEAR GLASSES. IT’S ALL– THIS NEW SERVICE IS ALL THANKS TO THIS PORN SITE’S
PHILANTHROPIC ARM. AND IT’S NICE TO KNOW A PORN
SITE CAN HAVE A PHILANTHROPIC ARM. BECAUSE THE OTHER ARM IS A
LITTLE BUSY RIGHT NOW. AND I’M TOLD THAT I CAN ACTUALLY
SHOW SOME OF THESE AUDIO- ENHANCED CLIPS SO YOU CAN GET
A FEEL FOR IT. AND AGAIN, THESE ARE REAL CLIPS.>>A WHITE WOMAN IN A CHEAP-
LOOKING RED POWER SUIT SITS NEXT TO A TALL, LANKY, WHITE,
MIDDLE-AGED MAN WITH BROWN HAIR, A WHITE SHIRT, GREY SUIT AND A
RED STRIPED TIE.>>WE MOVE TO AN INTERVIEW WHERE
WE SEE A TEEN GIRL SITTING FROM THE WAIST UP IN A BRIGHT WHITE
ROOM.>>CUT TO A SIDE SHOT INSIDE A
CAB, AND A GIRL GETS IN– BLACK HAIR, LOTS OF MAKEUP, AND
SQUEEZING A NICE, CURVY FIGURE INTO A TIGHT BLUE DRESS.>>Stephen: GREAT DESCRIPTION. GREAT DESCRIPTION. FINALLY, AT LAST, THE BLIND CAN
ENJOY PORNOGRAPHY’S LOW PRODUCTION VALUE. NOW, THIS NARRATION IS A GOOD
START, BUT IT COULD BE CLASSIER. SO TONIGHT WE’RE DOING OUR PART. I’VE HIRED DISTINGUISHED BBC
NARRATOR, NIGEL WINTHROP, TO TAKE PORN AUDIO DESCRIPTION TO
THE NEXT LEVEL.>>DING-DONG GOES THE DOORBELL
AS THE PIZZA MAN AWAITS WITH BAITED BREATH. A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN ANSWERS IN A
FLIMSY NEGLIGEE. SHE MUST BE TAKEN WITH FEVER OR
ELSE HAVE SOMETHING ELSE ON THER MIND. THAT WILL BE $17.50 SAYS THE
PIZZA MAP, A FAIR SUM IN THE OPINION OF YOUR HUMBLE NARRATOR. DOES IT COME WITH EXTRA SAUSAGE. HOW SHOULD I KNOW? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO ORDERED IT,
THINKS THE PIZZA MAN. THE WOMAN’S HANDS ARE UPON HIS
BELT BUCKLE. GOOD LORD! THIS ISN’T WHAT HE EXPECTED AT
ALL. TANGLED LIKE FIGHTING COBRAS THE
TWO PROCEED TO THE CHAUFFEUR WHERE THEY PERFORM DUTIES OF
MARITAL QNG GREAT VIGOR. I THINK I’LL PAUSE FOR THIS
MOMENT. THIS PART SEEMS WRATH INTIMATE. HERE COMES THE POOL CUSTODIAN.>>Stephen: THANK YOU FOR YOUR
SERVICE, NIGEL.

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