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Cyanide & Happiness Compilation – #21

UGH! “Whoa whoa whoa! Don’t kill it! Spiders are good bugs. They don’t hurt anyone.” “Let’s put you outside.” “It’s just gonna get back inside again.” “Hey, grab me a beer?” “You’re gonna die next.” “Don’t look at their limousine. That’s exactly what they want you to do.” Hey fellas look at me. No I don’t wanna Hey look at all these hot babes pouring champagne on each other oh No, thanks. Yeah, no, thanks Hey look at my map of fancy buried treasure. Nope no way Hey look at me boys I’m sitting next to Bigfoot No whoa Bigfoot’s doing bottle service for the Beatles ha they’re back from the dead guys look Oh look at me. All right this may pose well on this the other guy. I’m here too late wow, they’re performing right now and what Ana – We’re not gonna look get lost hey guys look at this tiny dog he’s wearing a tiny hat hey midge alert Oh Shucks Come on pepper come to Daddy come to mommy pepper you want to stay with Daddy right pepper daddy lets you eat potato chips But mommy got the big soft bed in the divorce pepper you love the big soft bed, right You love daddy most right pepper. Not as much as daddy loves porking his receptionist It’s a real nice Charlene come on pepper come to Daddy you want to live with Daddy, right? Mommy’s our favorite pepper and mommy’s going to be all alone without you come to Daddy eat daddy’s the best daddy Well shit, okay, who’s next come to mommy Billy come to mommy? Oh God dammit Larry, this is exactly why nobody loves you hey free kiss Sherry please I Steven save it I made up my mind. I’m going to stay with my sister after I talked to my lawyer I’ll be back for the kids Where did mommy go oh hey buddy mommy um she well Mommy didn’t go anywhere. I think I hear her upstairs now Yeah, mom all right dad what the hell? I do a bit mom wants some potatoes dad. Oh, yeah, I bet you’re right I’m leaving dad. I’m going to Brad’s leaving Come on Johnny, let’s go watch cartoons. I want mom and dad to watch to the fuck This gives me temporary custody until the hearing come on Danny. We’re going to stay with aunt Charlotte Well dig it everybody out of dinner yeah Shut our socks. This is why I’m put your phone away at the dinner table Cindy Okay everybody last call That’s already Started drink it. I need to sober up or I’ll do it a drive this home Perhaps I can be at service Hey, why don’t you let me help you gents even out before you hit the road Hey, what are you there? You go friend and one for you? Oh? Yeah you Jesus? There you go Wow doc I feel great? Yeah me too duck? I can probably drive now. You’re a real hero Hey Doc why do you do it? Oh, I just want everyone to have a healthy buzz okay You’re I’m fuckin old a Gift basket will find butts in the cheapest one. What’s the card say have it say. Here’s a card. I don’t care. I’m not poet Faders get in here you better have some photos of that minutes spider dude for me Peters If you don’t you’re fired then all three hire you and fire you again, but I’ve got some photos here mr.. Johansen photos I don’t need photos Peters. I need stories intrigue Conspiracy I need to sell papers. I think these will sell papers Spider dude stop that car from flying off the drawbridge hmm more like spider dude push his car off bridge What else you got what is this spider dude stop Central Park from being flooded by a broken water line mm-hmm? Yeah Spider dude waste the city’s water costs taxpayers millions. Yeah, that’s it hold on mr.. Johansen. There’s there’s more Keep it together j-john You think he works out Oh Peters. I I don’t I think he does Peters you’re fired oh No my brakes are out whoever will save me This one’s for you dad Where’s your dad Joey my dad’s a pilot he’s always busy Son Hey you alright, Joey yeah, I just wish my dad was here Nice shot, Joey yeah Thanks dad


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