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if you're on the Sunday sun-dried tomatoes are just Tomatoes wouldn't they just be dried tomatoes because they are still not normal Tomatoes I just googled this and it turns out there aren't any tomatoes on the Sun so it looks like we're both wrong but more importantly you're on picture with a cell phone tower in the background are you from Paris heard my neighbor's shagging for what seemed like ages last night moaning groaning and banging the headboard off the wall turns out her elderly mother had fallen over and cracked her head and was knocking on the wall with her stick for help feel a bit guilty about the wank now Zack is in a complicated relationship trying to decide between hands what nasty motherfucker figured out where milk came from like why was they even playing with the cow pulling on the autism shoot and WTF possessed them to drink the shit that came out that's so trifling law you drink it so was that make you the same thing it makes you for always in boxing me and never getting a response thirsty picture of a woman feeding iguanas why are the pigeons so green chlorophyll try doing the right thing on the train today giving my seat for a pregnant woman turns out fat people are quite sensitive and there's a fine line between hero and douche bag techniques on how to punch and strike fast method 1 what if my opponent has arms what do i do then actual text from my uber driver apparently he is proclaiming that he is the king of all the burgers in the land I'm here by Burger King Kevin Hart's home has reportedly been robbed what they gon steal kids sighs clothes why did every single kid in middle school spread the rumor that Marilyn Manson removed a bunch of his ribs so he could suck his own dick oMG guys I was at Disneyland and I saw this lady go after this little girl dressed up as Thor and say that's not ladylike and the little girl jumps into a fighting stance points a hammer at the lady and says suck my ass with the most serious look I can't how would you make a marriage work tell your wife she looks pretty even if she looks like a dump truck hey can you pick me up I'm too drunk oh you don't have to wear any more I'm home now yes I was aware of that after dropping you off at home rest in peace beautiful are you fucking retarded just because you don't like him doesn't mean you gotta be an asshole that's Will Smith you fucking moron I hope you're sterile what if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it long day Jesus makes things so hard on me doesn't he but it's for the best just keep it in your heart and keep praying go it will get better Jesus works in mysterious ways bear Jesus is my 14 year old son he was suspended from school for punching a janitor again wasup wasup wasup for the third time blind bitch this rain is fucking up my smoke schedule never mind we good does anyone know where the fire is in East Palmdale on my mixtape gas feed HQ interviewer give me five reasons for hiring you me I'll give you 13 reasons and you won't believe what number six is you're hired can your baby get pregnant if you have sex while pregnant I think so it has something to do with photosynthesis picture of two animals do you I think the top one is a cat and the bottom one is a pig on the bright side I'm not addicted to crack cocaine on the downside I'm too poor to afford one one crack cocaine hello drug dealer yes I would like to purchase one crack cocaine please debit or credit I actually have a gift card picture of lasagna homemade lost Zonda oh my goodness I'm engaged I hope it's to Johnson and Johnson's Lucia Wow how is this legal somebody think of the children lesbians have always been able to buy bread dumbass please stop praying for my grandpa you are making him too strong he broke out of the hospital and the cops can't get him he's too powerful me I'm not that hungry my Italian grandmother okay I make you little something I don't not like Time Warner Cable I apologize for any poor experience is there anything we can assist with bring me a tangerine picture of a clock the clock malfunctioned and now it looks like it's a little past 9:00 men that use the word whom in their online dating profile receive a 31% increase in responses according to a study didn't Rena come suck this dick me and Ted crawled out chief fighting amnesty both of you look like men in black aliens trina– blend in on earth check it out they're naming wines after my penis now Lowell – the letter C wow that is one fucked-up fort this little piggy went to Chernobyl my black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library and I said what the hell man it's 2016 you can use whatever printer you want I'm a foreign guy here and it's difficult for me to understand this can anyone help me Qin Qiong Ling Ling jingling I was deleting some of mild Instagram pictures and I came across this kid's comments on one of my pictures I gave bro oh crap I mean ooh gay bro crap now everyone thinks I'm gay shit I do portray tattoos for under 100 as you can see the tattoo on the left looks exactly like the little girl on the right hm you serious replies only cheese knees wheel dead the revenues melody operated a photo you look sexy thank you that I don't trust the media too many acronyms what does CNN stand for literally no one knows the answer cable news network could be literally no one knows picture of a man holding hot sauce I couldn't get that Face Swap app to work so here's me holding a bottle of chilly air for no goddamn reason I guess I'm watching gone girl on this flight and there's a six-year-old sitting next to me I forgot this was rated R he thoughts it is for the first time update there was an intense sex scene that ended with the woman cutting open a dude's neck blood and tits everywhere six-year-old is still here no excuse for guys to be under six feet hit the gym fattest whenever I'm sad I text this girl to show me her cat I'm sad can you show me your cat hey yes or what's wrong picture of a cat my cousin's new car with feet that big we don't make a car two steps and that bitch should be at her destination my mom worked hard today she deserves a microwaved hot dog you take your longtime crush to a game for your first date naturally you're caught on the kiss cam what do you do anal she wouldn't have to do this if college were free hey Jamie please can you make my legs longer they look shorter here than they really are thank you no problem is buck acre restaurants eleven miscalled from Grandma fuck this girl for an hour and 45 seconds last night thanks daylight savings grandma if I get five thousand retreats will you stop doing cocaine what sir a tweet I don't even do cocaine so me and my boyfriend broke up two months ago because he left me for another girl he met online but he doesn't know that girl is secretly me catfishing him on our way to Mexican town for me IOD Cinco Cinco DeMayo Simcoe D mind yo fuckin business little boy picture of cereal how the fuck do shrink bread loafers are you fucking kidding me oMG is it illegal to have sex in a dressing room I've gotten in trouble for jerking it in once oh but is it illegal I jerked off in a dressing room do I sound like a lawyer

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